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A bookstore owner must re-live his father’s murder, stay alive, and protect his friends when the murderer escapes from an asylum transfer.
Loglines should emulate the experience of reading the script, re order the elements in your logline so they replicate the sequence of events in the story. For example: After his father's killer escapes an asylum, a fearful book-store owner must kill him in order to save his family.I changed your actRead more
Loglines should emulate the experience of reading the script, re order the elements in your logline so they replicate the sequence of events in the story.
For example:
After his father’s killer escapes an asylum, a fearful book-store owner must kill him in order to save his family.
I changed your action description “…stay alive…” is vague and a given, and “…re-live his father’s murder…” confusing – the reader won’t understand what that actually means.
See lessAn amateur actress at a haunted house attraction struggles with her decision to stay at the job she loves while trying to get over a guy who isn’t easy to get over..
Trimmed down, leaner and easier to read - ti's much of an improvement. Struggles great, but to what end? Her decision will constitute a single scene in act one, what will be her main action in act two? What is her over arching goal in the A plot?
Trimmed down, leaner and easier to read – ti’s much of an improvement.
Struggles great, but to what end?
Her decision will constitute a single scene in act one, what will be her main action in act two? What is her over arching goal in the A plot?
See lessAn arrogant, popular high school bully discovers ? but can?t control ? strengthening-yet-unpredictable powers and is branded an outcast which compels him to work with a coven of gay and lesbian teen witches to uncover a conspiracy that threatens their town.
Series are best pitched with the pilot, as such you need to structure a logline for the first episode, then if a producer wants to know more you can go into further detail of the seasonal narrative. When it comes to super powers, in a hypothetical situation, I would describe super man's powers as flRead more
Series are best pitched with the pilot, as such you need to structure a logline for the first episode, then if a producer wants to know more you can go into further detail of the seasonal narrative.
When it comes to super powers, in a hypothetical situation, I would describe super man’s powers as flight and strength. Obviously his super powers have become more complex since his character was first written, but the same elements of pragmatism apply – the particular aspect of the powers that will enable the character to overcome his major obstacle.
It’s hard to place the genre and plot in the current draft of the logline which makes the concept confusing, this is because you have multiple trendy topics and agendas – gay/lesbian, witches and wizards, super heroes and high school pecking orders. I suggest pick one of these ad focus on that as the genre, then re consider the main character description as he still comes across as unlikable.
It’s hard for me to make suggestions due to the lack of detail and genre confusion.
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