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A bipolar divorcee blackmails a self-absorbed family man to keep their affair alive and reignite her sex drive when he suddenly disowns her.
Not sure why an audience would empathise with a character that blackmails a family person for her own self interest - she ain't scoring high on the likeable scale. If anything, the family man seems as though he has an inciting incident - blackmail, motivation - his family, goal - stop the affair, flRead more
Not sure why an audience would empathise with a character that blackmails a family person for her own self interest – she ain’t scoring high on the likeable scale.
If anything, the family man seems as though he has an inciting incident – blackmail, motivation – his family, goal – stop the affair, flaw to over come – unfaithfulness.
I think you should restructure the story around the family man as the MC instead.
See lessUsing stolen prediction software a cocksure hacker makes a fortune in sports bets, but when it predicts his death within three days, he must find out how he dies without dying in the process.
The logline is too wordy, and the plot is unclear. What is the inciting incident? Is it his discovery that his future is in danger? If so, what exactly does that mean? Will he die? Lose his job? As this?is the event that starts the story, it needs to be described clearly. The majority of the detailRead more
The logline is too wordy, and the plot is unclear.
What is the inciting incident?
Is it his discovery that his future is in danger? If so, what exactly does that mean? Will he die? Lose his job?
As this?is the event that starts the story, it needs to be described clearly.
The majority of the detail in the logline can be cut, to make way for descriptions of his actions.
What does he actually do in order to save his own life? This action will constitute the majority of act 2, and needs to be clear for a reader and a writer when working on the script.
Also, as his is a self centred goal, that came about as a result of his own self interest in the first place, is there a greater good he could be fitting for? Perhaps he needs to stop the force, be it what it may, that puts him in danger from endangering others.
See lessA successful, careless and drug addict DJ falls in love with a female singer who is about to get married with one of club owner where DJ works.
Agreed with the above. Also I suggest trimming down the main character descriptions - he's successful, carless and drug addicted, but which is the most relevant to the story, or more to the point, his journey of learning and change as a character?
Agreed with the above.
Also I suggest trimming down the main character descriptions – he’s successful, carless and drug addicted, but which is the most relevant to the story, or more to the point, his journey of learning and change as a character?
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