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An opera singer suffering from throat cancer lands in a gig with drug addict and very strict musician who would always push her to sing aloud.
Agreed with the above comments. It sounds like you're trying to set it up as if the gig is a great opportunity, but?the way it's worded in the logline makes the gig seem like a potentially bad gig not a good one. Perhaps best to describe the drug addict as a genius composer or world renowned musiciaRead more
Agreed with the above comments.
It sounds like you’re trying to set it up as if the gig is a great opportunity, but?the way it’s worded in the logline makes the gig seem like a potentially bad gig not a good one. Perhaps best to describe the drug addict as a genius composer or world renowned musician, etc? instead.
See lessAn amateur actress at a haunted house attraction struggles with her decision to stay at the job she loves while trying to get over a guy who isn’t easy to get over..
As DPG said, and even in the revised versions, the MC's goal is not clear, to that matter nor is her inciting incident and as a result the plot vague. You basically have a girl meets boy love story. Except for how they meet, and what she must do to get the guy, all the rest of the detail in the loglRead more
As DPG said, and even in the revised versions, the MC’s goal is not clear, to that matter nor is her inciting incident and as a result the plot vague.
You basically have a girl meets boy love story. Except for how they meet, and what she must do to get the guy, all the rest of the detail in the logline – haunted house, quarter-life crisis, her striving to whatever? are redundant and convolute the read.
After an amateur actress meets the guy of her dreams, she must land a gig in a local attraction in order to get close to him.
See lessAn arrogant, popular high school bully discovers ? but can?t control ? strengthening-yet-unpredictable powers and is branded an outcast which compels him to work with a coven of gay and lesbian teen witches to uncover a conspiracy that threatens their town.
Yup too wordy. I believe that you're trying to cram too much information into one little logline. Here is a quick break down of your concept, according to what my puny human brain can comprehend: MC - popular student MC flaw - arrogant Inciting incident - electrical accident Goal - Save the town. ThRead more
Yup too wordy.
I believe that you’re trying to cram too much information into one little logline.
Here is a quick break down of your concept, according to what my puny human brain can comprehend:
MC – popular student
MC flaw – arrogant
Inciting incident – electrical accident
Goal – Save the town.
The biggest problem with these elements is the lack of a clear cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and goal.
How does this accident relate to the town being in danger? ?Was it caused but he same individual or force of nature? If so this needs to be described in the logline, i.e:
After a military?experiment causes an electrical overload in a small town, an arrogant high school jock gains the ability to control electricity he must use his new found powers to save the town from a larger experiment the military is planning.
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