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A young woman suffering from anxiety must partner with her arch enemy, in order to save her baby and subsequently, her world.
Best to focus a logline on one goal not two. In this case you have save the baby and save the world - which is it?Saving the baby pales in comparison to saving the world, I suggest re drafting the logline so it focuses the MC's action on that.Secondly, why now? Why MUST she partner with her arch eneRead more
Best to focus a logline on one goal not two. In this case you have save the baby and save the world – which is it?
Saving the baby pales in comparison to saving the world, I suggest re drafting the logline so it focuses the MC’s action on that.
Secondly, why now? Why MUST she partner with her arch enemy NOW and not last year or in 6 months from now? What happened that made her HAVE to partner with the enemy? In other words what is her inciting incident?
Lastly, and on a lesser note, describing the MC as a young woman adds very little to the story – there are many young women in the world. Best to describe her in a more unique manner , you could use her job or title (if she has one) instead.
See lessA timid orphan with an extraordinary gift, is horrified to learn that if she fails to defeat a powerful inter-dimensional being, she will be become his accomplice in the destruction of her world.
The story is unclear because there are many vague descriptions in the logline. What is the "?extraordinary gift?"? What makes the bad guy powerful? What is an "...inter-dimensional being?"? What will he or she look like? What danger does he or she pose to Earth?In addition, there is no definitive stRead more
The story is unclear because there are many vague descriptions in the logline.
What is the “?extraordinary gift?”?
What makes the bad guy powerful?
What is an “…inter-dimensional being?”? What will he or she look like? What danger does he or she pose to Earth?
In addition, there is no definitive start and end point for the story. What is the inciting incident for the main character? What motivates the MC and?sets the story in motion? And what is her goal?
The primary purpose of a logline is to succinctly describe a plot, but in this instance without a clear inciting incident, motivation and goal the plot is all but missing.
See lessWhen people in town start disappearing, a young orphan woman, searching for her parents is attacked by an alien, she discovers her father’s true origins may not be from earth.
Hi Erica Super powers are not a new thing, and fall well and truly under a?trope umbrella. Look at al the super heroes movies of the last decade, most of the characters discover that they have special powers and then learn how to use them to save the community. Why they have powers or how they got tRead more
Hi Erica
Super powers are not a new thing, and fall well and truly under a?trope umbrella. Look at al the super heroes movies of the last decade, most of the characters discover that they have special powers and then learn how to use them to save the community. Why they have powers or how they got them is less relevant, what is relevant is what they do with them.
The fact that your main character?is part alien is less interesting than how she fights the aliens, once she choses to fight them that is. However, as DPG said, human fighting bad aliens is not original enough and needs a “hook” or twist of some sort. I believe that’s why District 9 was such a success, it presented a fresh take on the, all too familiar, aliens v humans paradigm.
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