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A racially prejudices cricket fan about to lose the family hotel goes back in time with his prospective Indian son in law and must overcome his prejudices if he is to get back to his own time and save the pub.
The logic employed at the base of your concept doesn't work. If the hotel is an ancient Aboriginal sacred ground, then how would he prevent the hotel from being taken away by traveling back in time? If it isn't the case then how will traveling back in time,?prevent?him from losing the hotel in the pRead more
The logic employed at the base of your concept doesn’t work.
If the hotel is an ancient Aboriginal sacred ground, then how would he prevent the hotel from being taken away by traveling back in time?
If it isn’t the case then how will traveling back in time,?prevent?him from losing the hotel in the present for what ever reason it is that he loses it?
I think best to devise an inciting incident that forces him to take action, which logically prevents the hotel from being taken away?other wise, as DPG noted, ?the time travel element is unrelated and convoluted.
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The logline would benefit from describing the inciting incident. If you make clear the event that motivated the character to need to find her parents, then you dramatise the situation and provide the audience with an opportunity to develop empathy. It becomes personal and a 'must do' goal instead ofRead more
The logline would benefit from describing the inciting incident. If you make clear the event that motivated the character to need to find her parents, then you dramatise the situation and provide the audience with an opportunity to develop empathy. It becomes personal and a ‘must do’ goal instead of the MC deciding on a whim to seek them out.
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Hi Benny. Can I recommend a great book? The War of Art by Steven Pressfield, it's a quick and easy read?with many useful insights that may help with you dilemma - one many writers face all the time. As for your logline, I've read through this thread and it sounds as if you've already dedicated a conRead more
Hi Benny.
Can I recommend a great book?
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield, it’s a quick and easy read?with many useful insights that may help with you dilemma – one many writers face all the time.
As for your logline, I’ve read through this thread and it sounds as if you’ve already dedicated a considerable amount of time and energy to this concept. It also sounds like there are a few fundamental problems with it, I tend to agree with the others in this thread and believe?that in order to make this concept work, it will need a significant re think and subsequently lot of re writing.
Your replies, while appreciative and delightfully polite, indicate a degree of resistance to the work these fundamental changes call for, which is perfectly natural. However, it is possibly preventing you from maximising the potential of your story, and as Pressfield writes in his book is preventing you from excelling as a writer. I apologies if I come across as?pretentious, but I do believe this concept requires a ground up re think to ?make the character, his action and his goal work well as elements in a story.
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