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When a young man converts to Islam for the love of a girl, he finds his life thrown into chaos when the mentor he befriended ends up being a terrorist, intent on bombing a train -with him omboard.
Agreed with Dkpough1, his conversion and I'll add his girl friend are unrelated to the plot.The story really starts after his mentor turns into a terrorist or in other words an antagonist, his subsequent goal will be to stop the terrorist.My try:After his mentor plants a bomb on a train, a young musRead more
Agreed with Dkpough1, his conversion and I’ll add his girl friend are unrelated to the plot.
The story really starts after his mentor turns into a terrorist or in other words an antagonist, his subsequent goal will be to stop the terrorist.
My try:
See lessAfter his mentor plants a bomb on a train, a young muslim convert must fight him in order to get to the bomb in time to save the passengers.
A drug-addicted thief hatches a plot to steal a cure from Big Pharma mercenaries when his mother?s chemo loses funding.
How about changing the order of events, as Richiev suggested, and specifying his action with more detail: After his mother's chemo therapy looses funding, a professional thief must break into a big Pharmaceutical company's central lab to steal enough of the drug to keep her alive until after his wedRead more
How about changing the order of events, as Richiev suggested, and specifying his action with more detail:
After his mother’s chemo therapy looses funding, a professional thief must break into a big Pharmaceutical company’s central lab to steal enough of the drug to keep her alive until after his wedding.
I tried adding in a time frame with the whole wedding thing.
See lessWhen an 11 year old accidentally clones himself, he is swept up in an audacious plot to kidnap world leaders and must use all his ingenuity to save his father, his friends, his unexpected twin and the world.
Having written a first draft doesn't eliminate the possibility of a second one - all scripts are re written. A logline should help you focus your next draft, and if it is hard to?clearly outline a plot in a logline it will be harder to do so in a whole script. Break it down to the cause and effect oRead more
Having written a first draft doesn’t eliminate the possibility of a second one – all scripts are re written.
A logline should help you focus your next draft, and if it is hard to?clearly outline a plot in a logline it will be harder to do so in a whole script.
Break it down to the cause and effect of an inciting incident and goal:
What happened to the boy that motivated?him to need to achieve his goal?
What is his specific goal?
If the answers to the above questions are made clear in the next logline, it will help you with re writing the script.
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