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A single mom, a recent college graduate, and a drifter each have a chance to make 1 out of 10 half court shots for $20 million or spend 2 years in jail.
Agree with DPG, also this sounds like a short 2-3 minute scene at most not a whole film. What else happens that provides enough conflict/drama to necessitate enough action for a whole film, to that matter even enough for a 10 minute short?
Agree with DPG, also this sounds like a short 2-3 minute scene at most not a whole film.
See lessWhat else happens that provides enough conflict/drama to necessitate enough action for a whole film, to that matter even enough for a 10 minute short?
An angel is brutalized by the police, and now his daughter, and humanity must fight him in order to survive.
It's great that you got some positive feedback from industry contacts (and credible writers at that), but I believe that no amount of compliments will get a film made -?a clear concept that's well written will. In this instance your script may be a polished gem, but the concept coming through the loRead more
It’s great that you got some positive feedback from industry contacts (and credible writers at that), but I believe that no amount of compliments will get a film made -?a clear concept that’s well written will.
In this instance your script may be a polished gem, but the concept coming through the logline is unclear and will likely not attract as many executives to read the full script. This is a shame especially if you do indeed have a well developed strong concept and a great script.
If all of humanity is in fact a bunch of demons and the story establishes this clearly, then they should be destroyed. Logically why would the audience?care about ?their fight to survive? If anything, the audience will want to see the evil people being?destroyed.
The angel is described as the antagonist but is in fact the main character, this is confusing. Humanity is the antagonist, but it’s humanity’s fight to survive that’s described as the goal – this is also confusing.
It seems to me that you’ve taken the counter intuitive approach and made humans the bad guys and the super natural force the good guy, which is probably the hook that people like about the story. While original, this does raise many questions (as seen in this thread) about the credibility of the concept. I believe that the confusion comes down to semantics, you’ve presented a role reversal on the traditional good v evil paradigm but haven’t specified what evil means and what good means.
I suggest re thinking the logline to better reflect the main character, action and goal in the story. Bellow is a progression of logic to help clarify the requirements of a logline and bring the concept into focus:
I suggest breaking with convention and specifying the unique aspect of this world in the logline:
After an?Angel is brutalised by police, in a world where humans are Satan’s army, he must?
Seeing as the Angle ?is the main character I don’t understand?how the daughter and her dilemma fit in the concept, so I’ll try and fit her in logically as an ally:
After an?Angel is brutalised by police, in a world where humans are Satan’s army, he must rely on his daughter to help him purge the Earth of humanity before…
As no goal has been defined yet I’ll make one up, but you can replace it with what ever is the actual goal:
See lessAfter an?Angel is brutalised by police, in a world where humans are Satan’s army, he must rely on his daughter to help him purge the Earth of humanity before all life is destroyed.
After his friends are arrested for robbing the convenience store he works at as an inside job, he must rob his own workplace in order to bail them out before they rat on him.
Richieve pretty much cleaned up the logline. The only thing is that directly after the robbery the owners and police would likely make it very hard to rob the place again. One would imagine that they would install security alarms and cameras, in any event the main character comes across as an awfulRead more
Richieve pretty much cleaned up the logline.
The only thing is that directly after the robbery the owners and police would likely make it very hard to rob the place again. One would imagine that they would install security alarms and cameras, in any event the main character comes across as an awful person. He robs from his boss in the first place, then robs again to protect his own skin, why would the audience care at all about what happens to him?
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