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When a secret society of intellectual samurai compromise a tech company’s financial software, a psychic strategist must decode an ancient work of popular Japanese fiction before the global economy collapses.
This logline is cryptic for several reasons, but for the most part it's because of the lack of cause and effect between the two major plot points - the inciting incident and goal. Unless, as Tom mentioned above, the reader has pre existing knowledge in regards to the characters and situation, a grouRead more
This logline is cryptic for several reasons, but for the most part it’s because of the lack of cause and effect between the two major plot points – the inciting incident and goal.
Unless, as Tom mentioned above, the reader has pre existing knowledge in regards to the characters and situation, a group of samurai compromising some company doesn’t directly relate to a Global financial crisis. However, if to where the NASDAQ data base then a logical connection could be made, but would still need work to make it connect with causality.
Secondly Samurai don’t actually exist anymore, so by describing the group of people as Samurai positions the story in the past which doesn’t work. Is there a different description you could use perhaps Japanese martial artists?
By adding in intellectual you could be inferring that they are as good with their computer skills as Samurai used to be with their swords, if this is the intention then just describe them as top or expert hackers other wise including an ancient group of martial artists in the logline is confusing.
Lastly if the main character is the Psychic then best to make the events that take place relevant and ideally personal to that character. Otherwise it is unclear why this particular psychic must prevent the disaster, their motivation to do what they do is not clear.
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As DPG wrote the logline lacks a plot. The logline describes a situation that could setup a plot but with out further detail it is vague. Also, in most cases, no need for the character name in the logline. Checkout the training tab at the top bar for more detail on best practice in writing a loglineRead more
As DPG wrote the logline lacks a plot.
The logline describes a situation that could setup a plot but with out further detail it is vague.
Also, in most cases, no need for the character name in the logline.
Checkout the training tab at the top bar for more detail on best practice in writing a logline.
See lessA misanthropic girl and her rebellious friend are constantly looking for thrills to lighten up their dull lives but when she learns her half-sister has supernatural powers, she realizes having a normal life isn’t so bad.
This logline doesn't describe an inciting incident (event) or a goal, and as such doesn't describe a plot. What will she do? Why? And to what end? These are the vital pieces of information missing from your logline. I can't make any suggestions as the are not enough details to go off. Best if you deRead more
This logline doesn’t describe an inciting incident (event) or a goal, and as such doesn’t describe a plot.
What will she do? Why? And to what end? These are the vital pieces of information missing from your logline.
I can’t make any suggestions as the are not enough details to go off.
Best if you define an event that pushes her/motivates her to take action in order to achieve a goal.
Check out the training tab up top for more information.
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