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A team of thrill-seeking angels, who get their kicks BASE jumping into hell, uncover a plot by the most nefarious gangster in the underworld to take control of the human realm.
Once they discover the plot what do they do? The answer to the above question is essentially the goal, and currently missing from the logline. Was the discovery the inciting incident or was there another event that sparked their interest to uncover the plot? This is important as it defines how and wRead more
Once they discover the plot what do they do?
The answer to the above question is essentially the goal, and currently missing from the logline.
Was the discovery the inciting incident or was there another event that sparked their interest to uncover the plot? This is important as it defines how and when he story starts.
Lastly agreed with CMathias the antagonist sounds weak especially compared with the Devil, which would obviously be there to some degree.
See lessWhen a superhero is infected with his engineered plague, her ex-boyfriend escapes from prison to steal from a military lab and create a cure before the woman he loves dies in three days.
There are too many moving parts to this one machine. The complexity of the concept is being reflected in the logline, as most of the people on this thread found it confusing.?The fact that he invented?the plague in the first place, as a means of making it more personal, is redundant seeing as she isRead more
There are too many moving parts to this one machine.
The complexity of the concept is being reflected in the logline, as most of the people on this thread found it confusing.?The fact that he invented?the plague in the first place, as a means of making it more personal, is redundant seeing as she is his ex and the woman he still loves. Him producing a plague is a complication the story could do without, what if he is a genius that was wrongly put in jail and also the only one who can save the woman he loves? This would simplify the concept and add credibility to his motivations.
In essence the big problem is the question of which?story is going to be the focus of the script.??I think DPG’s suggestion is the best one, consider separating the back story from the main plot and engineer either the back story or the main plot to work on their own.
See lessThe survival of the British Monarchy is at stake as Queen Elizabeth II struggles to deal with the death of Princess Diana, a woman she loathes but whom the public idolizes.
I believe the main character was the Helen Mirren one, it was told mostly from her point of view and she had the major change over the course of the story.Framing the story in the light of Diana's death explains the stakes better, and the logline could also benefit from mentioning?the queen's dillemRead more
I believe the main character was the Helen Mirren one, it was told mostly from her point of view and she had the major change over the course of the story.
Framing the story in the light of Diana’s death explains the stakes better, and the logline could also benefit from mentioning?the queen’s dillema:
After Princes Diana dies in a car accident, the survival of the british monarchy is at risk when Queen Elizabeth must rationalise her disdain for her daughter in law and the british people’s need for support in their time of mourning.
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