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This is not a logline but a question. Will it be admissible for a logline for a SERIES be longer than a standard of 30 words (or so)?
Short answer to your question: Yes. Long answer to your question (recommended): Loglines are industry wide used tools for structuring plots and pitching concepts, and according to whom ever you're talking with the word count will vary. There is no set standard for a logline's word counts - some peopRead more
Short answer to your question:
Yes.
Long answer to your question (recommended):
Loglines are industry wide used tools for structuring plots and pitching concepts, and according to whom ever you’re talking with the word count will vary. There is no set standard for a logline’s word counts – some people say 30 words, others say 25 and others 20, but the closer a logline is to 30 the better. A logline isn’t intended as a means to tell your story or dwell on beats, rather transmit in an efficient manner the major plot points and story critical descriptions: Main character, main character flaw, inciting incident, obstacle and goal.
In general terms you only need to write a logline for the pilot, the potential for narrative, drama and comedy throughout the season will become clear if it’s a good logline and a strong concept.
See lessWhen a Talent Agency for Dogs is faced with imminent demise, a flamboyant receptionist has only 48 hours to convince the mid divorce agent, win the heart of a psychotic client and train his pooch to overcome stage fright in order to realize his dream and save the company.
I think that posting multiple new loglines is less efficient than re-posting on the original thread, seeing as it's harder to track its progression that way. Further more it is hard to figure out which logline you actually want help with, I assume it's the latest version...? The biggest problems witRead more
I think that posting multiple new loglines is less efficient than re-posting on the original thread, seeing as it’s harder to track its progression that way. Further more it is hard to figure out which logline you actually want help with, I assume it’s the latest version…?
The biggest problems with this logline lay in the concept – the stakes are not high or personal enough to make for a compelling enough story.
Secondly the logline is plagued with a lack of clarity as a result of confusing descriptions, unclear motivations and multiple goals.
The MC is clearly described as flamboyant, but in what way will this either hinder or aid him in achieving his goal?
Flamboyant is not a character flaw or a problem he NEEDS to over come, so it’s a waist of a word in a logline. Is there a more relevant flaw you can describe instead?
The order of the actions you’re describing is confusing.
As the reader goes through the logline they first read this:
“…has only 48 hours to convince the mid divorce agent…”
But you don’t specify what he needs to convince the agent of, as a result this action is confusing when first read and makes the reader need to read it again.
Then the reader is directed to deduct that the way in which the receptionist will save the company is by winning “…the heart of a psychotic client…”. If the client is already an existing client, they don’t need to win the client’s heart rather satisfy their outrageous needs – this miss direction adds to the confusion.
The reader then moves on to a third action which is to “…train his pooch to overcome stage fright…” without additional detail, it is unclear how training his pooch will realize his dream or save the company – segue into:
See lessThe reader is met with two goals – “…realize his dream and save the company.”
Which of these is the primary, single, objective and visual goal the MC must achieve? Describe only that instead of two.
When a traitor agent quits and takes their biggest star to a competitor, the staff of “UNDERDOGS”, a boutique Talent Agency for Dogs: its owner, a bellicose no-nonsense New Yorker; a casting director, a debonair bitter out of place old-timer; and a casting agent, an aspiring actress more interested to getting cast herself than casting man’s best friends, scramble to find a replacement for a huge German Beer commercial; if they don’t, their agency will go to dogs. In the ensuing pandemonium a receptionist sees a big opportunity for his poodle. But will the Germans accept a French Poodle as a substitute of Saint Bernard and will the French Poodle be able to overcome his stage fright? The “Underdogs” better find out the answers soon, because the German patience is running thin and they are that close to kissing “Underdogs” Auf Wiedersehen.
The ensemble description is a bad idea for a logline in general and in this particular case complicates the read. Loglines are best used to describe a single plot, and ideally about a single protagonist. You could write a dual protagonist plot, but those are hard to execute well - with every main chRead more
The ensemble description is a bad idea for a logline in general and in this particular case complicates the read.
Loglines are best used to describe a single plot, and ideally about a single protagonist. You could write a dual protagonist plot, but those are hard to execute well – with every main character you add to your story it gets exponentially harder to write.
Agreed with DPG this is too long and you are trying to describe too many elements in one sentence. Take only the biggest plot points and use them, and only them, to describe your plot.
Who is the main character?
What is her flaw?
What is her obstacle?
What is her goal?
I suggest re drafting the logline and including only the answers to the above questions. In addition I think it would benefit your concept if you were to increase the stakes and make them clear, according to the latest draft I think the stake is bankruptcy, can you make it even greater? Would the MC stand to? lose her life savings and home perhaps? Just a thought.
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