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Waking up in hospital a soldier is told it is three years after his last memory. But people seem to be very interested about what he remembers about the war. He must figure out if he is sick or part of an elaborate scam to get information.
A trimmed down version: After waking from a three year coma, a soldier must discern whether or not he is among enemies or friends. But to what end? Figuring out who is an enemy and who isn't is just a small part of the story, what he will have to do after that is the bulk of it.
A trimmed down version:
After waking from a three year coma, a soldier must discern whether or not he is among enemies or friends.
But to what end?
See lessFiguring out who is an enemy and who isn’t is just a small part of the story, what he will have to do after that is the bulk of it.
In a near future three close but troubled small-town boys journey alone cross country seeking hope and meaning within a crumbling society exposing them to the realisation that their days as children and lifelong companions may be drawing to an end.
The latest draft of the logline sounds more complicated than it needs to be, as it seems as if you added more adjectives but havn't changed the premise. I believe the premise has a lack of stakes at its core, and? no amount of descriptions will increase them.Being ex communicated or disowned by hisRead more
The latest draft of the logline sounds more complicated than it needs to be, as it seems as if you added more adjectives but havn’t changed the premise. I believe the premise has a lack of stakes at its core, and? no amount of descriptions will increase them.
Being ex communicated or disowned by his family/community just ain’t enough…
Think of the story from a different angle, what else can your main character do that will (as DPG and I said) increase the stakes and make them personal.
Secondly the obstacle isn’t great – he jumps on a bus, goes to the launch site, sees the launch, end of story. There is no challenge for the main character. You could make him wheelchair-bound or give him Multiple Sclerosis, anything that would inhibit his ability to make the journey would be better than nothing. By the way the fact that he comes from a community that likely forbids the use of public transport, is not an inhibition it’s an inconvenience at best, as he decides in act one to go anyway.
See lessWhen the world?s greatest superhero succumbs to an unknown disease, a convicted bio-terrorist tries to turn his engineered plague into a cure.
I think the antagonist/hero relationship is too complicated. It is unclear whether or not the ex boyfriend engineered the disease the MC currently has? It is also confusing how a super hero could miss the fact that her boyfriend was a bio-terrorist. Lastly it comes across as if the ex boyfriend is aRead more
I think the antagonist/hero relationship is too complicated. It is unclear whether or not the ex boyfriend engineered the disease the MC currently has? It is also confusing how a super hero could miss the fact that her boyfriend was a bio-terrorist.
Lastly it comes across as if the ex boyfriend is an unlikely antihero main character, as he is the only one with a clear goal – to save his ex girlfriend. Otherwise what will the super-hero do in the movie?
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