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A young woman from Greenland decides to try her hand at professional wrestling. However, she has to deal with another problem. Once she completes training, she always loses her matches.
The details described in this logline are unclear. There are many young women in Greenland, therefore the main character description is generic and doesn't describe a unique and interesting character. If the main character wakes up one day and decides to take the main action in act two of the scriptRead more
The details described in this logline are unclear. There are many young women in Greenland, therefore the main character description is generic and doesn’t describe a unique and interesting character.
If the main character wakes up one day and decides to take the main action in act two of the script, it wasn’t really a challenge for her. As a result the stakes are low and making the decision to achieve the main goal of the story becomes mundane.
Can you give her an event that makes her need to become a professional wrestler instead of a random un motivated choice?
The second sentence is entirely redundant, as it literally describes the function of an obstacle. Best to describe a good and clear obstacle, and let the reader understand that it will not be easy for the main character to achieve her goal. The last sentence attempts to describe an obstacle, but whether due to grammar mistakes or a lack of detail it’s vague.
Lastly the primary function of a logline is to describe a plot, and for a plot to exist the most important story element is a goal, this logline lacks a goal and as a result fails to describe a plot.
See lessPerhaps best to specify that the main character wants to win gold at the Olympics or become the national champion?
In 1998 Toronto, a teenage boy and his adopted Inuit sister tour the city, solving crimes and going on misadventures.
This is a general description of time, place and the habits of two characters, it is not a description of specific detail of a single sequence of events i.e a plot. Who is the main character? Teenage boy is too generic a description for a logline, what is unique about this boy that differentiates hiRead more
This is a general description of time, place and the habits of two characters, it is not a description of specific detail of a single sequence of events i.e a plot.
Who is the main character?
Teenage boy is too generic a description for a logline, what is unique about this boy that differentiates him from the many other teenage boy characters in films and TV shows?
What does the main character want?
Solving crime is to broad a description, which crime specifically? If this is a series then the logline should describe the pilot ep, which crime in the pilot will he have to solve?
Why does the main character need to achieve what they want?
What is the inciting incident that starts the boy off on his journey for this particular plot?
The answers to these questions need to be in the next draft of the logline with plot specific detail.
See lessAfter a bittersweet divorce, the most successful writer of his time spirals into a depressive writer?s block. He begins his life anew alongside his two new and highly dysfunctional roommates which inadvertently jumpstarts his new comedic book series, Man Chronicles.
The first sentence in this logline describes back-story and can be cut down to: After suffering a depressive writer's block... The problem with this concept is that it lacks a clear line of causality between the actions and events it describes. Divorce then writer's block then new life then new roomRead more
The first sentence in this logline describes back-story and can be cut down to: After suffering a depressive writer’s block…
The problem with this concept is that it lacks a clear line of causality between the actions and events it describes. Divorce then writer’s block then new life then new roomates then new book, these do not logically necessitate each other in the order they are written in the logline.? The events and actions in the logline may be clearly connected in the synopsis, but for the logline purposes best to describe only the A plot vital actions. If the main character is a writer, the A plot is about him overcoming his writers block not his divorce (backstory) or his new roomates (allies).
The other problem is the lack of a clearly defined and visual goal. What is it exactly that he wants?? To write a successful book is not a good enough goal, success is too broad and won’t translate visually to the cinema screenvery well.? Perhaps best to define a deadline by which he has to turn in a manuscript to his publisher or else he loses his contract?
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