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A hard-boiled bank auditor struggles to outwit a colleague and onetime master thief bent on sinking the bank for perceived negligence that wrongfully landed him in jail.
The second draft of the logline still fails to describe a plot. What does the MC actually want to achieve? In specific terms, what are the details that will make up his success in out-witting the bad guy? The problem is you are describing the main action the main character takes as a struggle, but aRead more
The second draft of the logline still fails to describe a plot.
What does the MC actually want to achieve? In specific terms, what are the details that will make up his success in out-witting the bad guy?
The problem is you are describing the main action the main character takes as a struggle, but as this is entirely generic it befits the description of most main characters in most stories. What could make this story interesting, is the specific detail of this specific action that this specific MC will take.
See lessA disgraced PR Fixer reluctantly unites with the ghost of his perverted first guest to save his families Hotel from being demolished.
This logline is cryptic and the plot unclear. I can guess what "...PR fixer..."? means, but don't know for sure what the job entails or if it exists. As this is not a well known enough a profession, it does not serve its purpose as part of your main character's description. Further more about the MCRead more
This logline is cryptic and the plot unclear.
I can guess what “…PR fixer…”? means, but don’t know for sure what the job entails or if it exists. As this is not a well known enough a profession, it does not serve its purpose as part of your main character’s description. Further more about the MC’s description, all main characters should be reluctant at first or else the task ahead of them won’t appear as a challenge, and therefore achieving their goal becomes a lame affair.? Point is describing the MC as reluctant is redundant in a logline, as it should be an inherit part of the hero’s journey.
Is the ghost a euphemism or an actual ghost? This is unclear and can have major implications on genre.
The mention of a “…first guest…” half way through the logline is very confusing, and I had to read it several times to make sure I didn’t miss anything leading up to that description. The goal of saving his family’s hotel at the end, seams unrelated to the supposed inciting incident of a perverted ghost’s appearance, best to describe the MC as a hotel owner at the head of the logline as to at least have the story elements form a logical connection.
See lessA pristine teen that gets taken away from her parents by a rogue organization which use children as test subjects, tries to escape before she gets sent off to a notorious section of the organizations testing facilities.
There is a noticeable lack of detail in the logline.The main character's description is vague, as "...pristine..." is a strange choice for an MC description and it lacks specific descriptive detail. Same goes for the organization's description "...use children as test subjects..." what tests? What aRead more
There is a noticeable lack of detail in the logline.
The main character’s description is vague, as “…pristine…” is a strange choice for an MC description and it lacks specific descriptive detail. Same goes for the organization’s description “…use children as test subjects…” what tests? What are they trying to achieve with these tests? Are they creating super soldiers? Super spies? Are these biological weapon tests? etc…
Why would the MC not just escape as appose to try, better to describe the main action the MC takes in definitive terms such as: she must escape before…
Lastly, the stakes are un clear because the danger is unclear. What does “…a notorious section of the organization…” actually mean? Do they kill the test subjects there? Do they change their DNA? Whatever it is that actually gets done to test subjects, needs to be specified.
It’s the uniqueness of the detail, and the originality of it’s combination, that can make this an interesting concept.
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