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An American dog-walker jailed for a drug offense in Brazil jumps bail in a bid to escape an unscrupulous businessman bent on coercing him into a scheme to claim an inheritance left behind by the owner of an oil conglomerate.
The logline describes too complicated a plot for its own good. It needs to be stripped of all redundant description and detail, as they are clouding the concept. The main character described being a dog walker sounds strange, as dog walking doesn't relate to his obstacles or goals, it really feels lRead more
The logline describes too complicated a plot for its own good. It needs to be stripped of all redundant description and detail, as they are clouding the concept.
The main character described being a dog walker sounds strange, as dog walking doesn’t relate to his obstacles or goals, it really feels like an unrelated description. What other professions can you give the main character that would tie into the concept better?
There are too many unrelated plot elements in this logline that are not connected by a cause and effect relationship. For example, being jailed for a drug offense doesn’t logically relate to him trying to get away from a businessman. Instead of getting himself into jail he could just not answer the guys calls or disappear, jail sounds like an extremely un usual and risky option. Another example is choosing to go to jail in Brazil, why not Costa Rica, the USA, or Canada, what does jail in this country have that the others don’t. There is also no logical connection between this dog walker? and the ability to successfully pull off a scheme of any kind, much less to get inheritance. The owner of an oil conglomerate is yet another element that is largely un related to the rest in the logline and is bought in only at the end of the logline.
Lastly the MC seams passive, he is escaping but what does he want as his definitive, visually clear outer goal, what is he pursuing throughout the story?
The answer to this question is crucial and should be in the next draft of the logline.
See lessAfter a terror attack, the highly decorated FBI lead investigator finds his only son was the mastermind. He must choose between giving up his son or protecting him
The main character's dilemma is interesting, but should be understood from the plot instead of being literally spelled out. For example: After a decorated FBI agent discovers his son masterminded a terror attack, he must stop his next planned attack at all costs.
The main character’s dilemma is interesting, but should be understood from the plot instead of being literally spelled out.
For example:
See lessAfter a decorated FBI agent discovers his son masterminded a terror attack, he must stop his next planned attack at all costs.
A man comes into the possession of a time traveling device which he uses to help himself rob a bank.
Good notes above. Also think of an aspect of his character that would make him a lovable type of thief, like Woody Allen's character in Small Time Crooks. Even though he is the main character he still needs to be made available as an empathetic one for the audience, and especially in this instance cRead more
Good notes above.
Also think of an aspect of his character that would make him a lovable type of thief, like Woody Allen’s character in Small Time Crooks. Even though he is the main character he still needs to be made available as an empathetic one for the audience, and especially in this instance considering his chosen profession.
See less