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After his daughter is kidnapped, 48 hours before her heart surgery, a struggling stand-up comic must complete his contract to raise the ransom money.
But how? What will he do to get the money? This is the all important question, the answer to which can make this an interesting story. The logline uses too many words to describe minor or irrelevant detail. The line "...before her time is up..." is redundant, it's clear that her time is running outRead more
But how?
What will he do to get the money? This is the all important question, the answer to which can make this an interesting story.
The logline uses too many words to describe minor or irrelevant detail. The line “…before her time is up…” is redundant, it’s clear that her time is running out seeing as she was kidnapped 48 hours before her heart surgery. The first sentence can be reduced in length and made to sound like an event rather than a situation: After his daughter is kidnapped, two days before her hear surgery, a struggling stand-up comic must….
See lessAfter his wife commits adultery , a proud South African farmer feels ostracized by his community and forms a codependent relationship with a French anarchistic cult couple that eventually turn violent on him and his family, but his fight for survival comes at tragic cost and he is confronted by the depths of his shame.
It sounds like a very thick plot, too thick in fact. There are many plot points which lack a direct relation to each other and many character descriptions that don't add much to the story. The fact that all the events you mentioned happened in the true story, doesn't mean they all? need to make it iRead more
It sounds like a very thick plot, too thick in fact. There are many plot points which lack a direct relation to each other and many character descriptions that don’t add much to the story.
The fact that all the events you mentioned happened in the true story, doesn’t mean they all? need to make it into your story. Best to simplify the concept by choosing one event that happens to the main character, and one goal he must achieve as a result.
Also to face his shame is not a goal, or not a good cinematic one. What will he have to do, that can be filmed by a camera, in order to face his shame? Make that his goal. Then reveres engineer from the goal a fitting event that pushes him to need to achieve it.
See lessThe gods an Irish programmer?s been praying to are real, and they have a task – find weapons from ancient Celtic myth or watch the human race be eradicated by a legion of dead tyrants.
I think the implication is for the programmer to be the main character, if this is the case, then his goal is to save the human race. I think best to restructure the logline to reflect this and eliminate the basic logic flaw DPG raised: E.g: After a legion of the un dead head to Earth a programmer sRead more
I think the implication is for the programmer to be the main character, if this is the case, then his goal is to save the human race.
I think best to restructure the logline to reflect this and eliminate the basic logic flaw DPG raised:
See lessE.g:
After a legion of the un dead head to Earth a programmer seeks the help of a long forgotten god to save the human race.