Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
After interrupting a blackmail hand-off in a grimy Scottish pub, American expat Charley finds herself with a bag of cash in one hand and an encrypted USB in the other and is forced to outrun local thugs, a killer-for-hire and the head of a multinational while trying to escape the country.
This logline raises too many questions that evoke confusion instead of intrigue. How does she instantly know the USB is encrypted? How does she know she interrupted a blackmail hand-off? what is her character flaw? What is her goal? Will traveling into Europe or back to the US save her life? If therRead more
This logline raises too many questions that evoke confusion instead of intrigue. How does she instantly know the USB is encrypted? How does she know she interrupted a blackmail hand-off? what is her character flaw? What is her goal? Will traveling into Europe or back to the US save her life? If there is a substantial amount of money in the bag she found the bad guys will still follow and try to catch her. How will she pass so much money by airport security?
Why doesn’t she just drop the usb stick and cash? This way any threats made against her are defused this logic flaw makes for a weak premise.
No need to mention the MC’s name in a logline.
Not all the questions the first draft of the logline raises necessarily need to be answered but the plot critical ones need to in the next draft. What is her goal? What is her character flaw? Who is stopping her and what are the stakes?
Hope this helps.
See lessSet aboard the submarine Leviathan D. S. V. (Deep Submergence Vehicle), this novel focuses on the early years of the International Multiple Threat Alert Command and its defense arm, the United Earth Defense Command. In the early 21st century, the United States was attacked by forces from Al-Qaeda. The United Earth Defense Command commissions the construction of the submarine Leviathan D. S. V. to keep the peace and explore the vast oceans on Earth.
This is a logline for a novel from my understanding and as such it should describe the story in a way that best fits a book, however, there are several fundamental similarities with stories for film that the logline still needs to comply with.The logline is too long at 74 words and makes several leaRead more
This is a logline for a novel from my understanding and as such it should describe the story in a way that best fits a book, however, there are several fundamental similarities with stories for film that the logline still needs to comply with.
The logline is too long at 74 words and makes several leaps of logic the reader can’t follow with out detailed explanations such as: mention of un known organizations “…International Multiple Threat Alert Command…” and “…United Earth Defense Command…” and how a submarine will keep the peace as there are already many sophisticated submarines paroling the worlds oceans.
Lastly and most importantly a main character and goal are missing from the concept, who wants what and why?
If you want to rewrite this logline I suggest reading this first:
https://loglines.org/howto/
?Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a lab experiment goes horribly wrong, a clumsy scientist and his two pretty female assistants become the first highly intelligent zombies. Not willing to share their newly found powers with the knowledge hungry human elite that forcefully tries to get bitten, they barricade themselves in their research facility trying to find a cure for their own uncontrollable hunger and bad looks, before turning on themselves. But cure or no cure ? they still have to find a way out!
The second draft of the logline is better because it is shorter and easier to understand. Regarding your comment "...problem is I want to tell so much more..." this is always the case with all writers and all stories but the question is; what does your audience want? Your audience only wants to takeRead more
The second draft of the logline is better because it is shorter and easier to understand.
Regarding your comment “…problem is I want to tell so much more…” this is always the case with all writers and all stories but the question is; what does your audience want?
Your audience only wants to take in the bare minimum of information needed for them to have a meaningful experience, economy in your logline will reflect your understanding of this, therefore all the additional descriptions are redundant.
An inciting incident is important even though in this genre it holds less dramatic stakes (in zombie movies how the zombies come about is less important) it will give a clear starting point for the characters and the story rather than an arbitrary one. So the inciting incident from the first draft should be used in the second draft.
Comedy sounds like a good choice for the revers human goals of wanting to get bitten.
Hope this helps.
See less