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While tackling the climb that killed their father – Everest’s infamous Fantasy Ridge – an estranged sister and brother must face their issues or suffer the same fate.
The bigger problem with this logline aside from the unclear geographical reference is the main character and main action definitions.Who is the main character? What is the main character going to do?It's clear they are going to climb the mountain, but what is their inner journey and what is the mainRead more
The bigger problem with this logline aside from the unclear geographical reference is the main character and main action definitions.
Who is the main character? What is the main character going to do?
It’s clear they are going to climb the mountain, but what is their inner journey and what is the main external subplot?
The reason this is unclear is because the logline states “…face their issues…” as a main action for them to take. What does face their issues mean? What will this look like? What issues will they need to over come? This description is too vague in nature to fit well in a logline.
In The Celebration (this is an art house film in which this part of it was exceptionally well done) the “issue” the brother and sisters had was that they were sexually abused as children and needed to convince each other to confront the attacker together as witnesses for one another and therefor had clearly defined objective needs.
In The Mountain ( a good reference for research by the way) the older brother needed to teach the younger brother that integrity and character strength will serve him better in the long run than selfishness and greed. The film then analogized the older brother’s character strength to his physical strength in a scene in which he saves the younger brothers life – a visual way of expressing the thesis the story teller was trying to convey.
Lastly this needs a strong inciting incident and goal, as it stands now, the logline states that they start the climb for no reason with a goal to get to the top. What if they both decide to climb after their father died in order to find his body? This way you give them a clear motivation to get to the top with a clearly motivating inciting incident.
After their father dies during an ascent on Everest’s notorious East face a brother and sister must work together and overcome their differences?if they are to survive their recovery of their father’s body.
I don’t know what their differences are but this needs to be explained in the logline other wise this basic construct demonstrates what I mean.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen he finds out who killed his father, a laid-back youngster must return to save everyone from his evil Uncle and become the rightful king
The plot of this story seams to resemble Hamlet or the Lion King and I suppose if adapted to humans, in live action and present day it could be interesting. What period is this story set in and where? I would also change the wording to sound more dramatic and motivating than it is now. I find the faRead more
The plot of this story seams to resemble Hamlet or the Lion King and I suppose if adapted to humans, in live action and present day it could be interesting.
What period is this story set in and where?
I would also change the wording to sound more dramatic and motivating than it is now. I find the father’s murder more compelling of an event than the discovery of the murderer’s identity:
E.g:
After his uncle kills his father a rebellious prince who rejects the monarchy must become king in order to save his family from his uncle.
Hope this helps.
See lessBased on true events, an African rises to become a samurai in the service of 16th century Japan?s most powerful warlord and aids him is his quest to unify Japan under one ruler.
The subject matter and setting are interesting in this concept but this logline still fails to describe a clear plot and that is the primary purpose of a logline. What was the event that motivated the MC to become a samurai? What is his out objective goal he must MUST achieve? How are the two connecRead more
The subject matter and setting are interesting in this concept but this logline still fails to describe a clear plot and that is the primary purpose of a logline.
What was the event that motivated the MC to become a samurai?
What is his out objective goal he must MUST achieve?
How are the two connected to each other in a cause and effect relationship?
If you are able to answer the above questions in the next draft of the logline it will be a very strong concept and a well written logline which could lay the base for a great plot and even better script.
Don’t be afraid to stray from the documented facts of this true story, rather try and embellish it with dramatized plot points that will express the meaning of your story.
Hope this helps.
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