Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When planet earth is destroyed, a comfortable, miserable and lonely man must hitchhike through space and learn to leave his comfort zone and enjoy life.
I would suggest dramatizing the plot with the outer journey main beats rather than describing only the inner journey. After the destruction of planet Earth is approved by the local space council a tea swilling introvert English man must hitchhike his way across the galaxy to divert the constructionRead more
I would suggest dramatizing the plot with the outer journey main beats rather than describing only the inner journey.
After the destruction of planet Earth is approved by the local space council a tea swilling introvert English man must hitchhike his way across the galaxy to divert the construction of an intergalactic highway away from Earth to save man kind.
Hope this helps.
See lessA widowed father desperately searches for his missing child when an unexpected incident with a biker gang puts his life and those of his friends in danger.
The structure of the logline works against itself try placing the inciting incident first i.e: After his daughter is taken by a biker gang a widowed father must find save her before the gang leader gets to her. Additionally child sounds impersonal and generic try daughter or son instead. The incitinRead more
The structure of the logline works against itself try placing the inciting incident first i.e:
After his daughter is taken by a biker gang a widowed father must find save her before the gang leader gets to her.
Additionally child sounds impersonal and generic try daughter or son instead.
The inciting incident (literally labeled as such…)? “…an unexpected incident…” is to vague for a logline what was the incident specifically? It is the specifics and the nature of them which will make this a dramatic moment that motivates the MC to take action.
Lastly you hint at more than one goal: find the child, save his own life and his friends life, better to pick one. What is the primary goal? The A plot goal? Let this spear head your narrative and elevate the concept in the logline.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter the murder of her mother, an anti-socialite young girl must survive the trials of a ritualistic fraternity to vindicate the alleged killer…Her father!
Agreed with the above. I'd add that the MC description as "...young girl..." sounds generic and as a result doesn't add much to our understanding of the character perhaps either remove or change it. Secondly I think the cause and effect relationship between the murder and the need to vindicate is clRead more
Agreed with the above.
I’d add that the MC description as “…young girl…” sounds generic and as a result doesn’t add much to our understanding of the character perhaps either remove or change it.
Secondly I think the cause and effect relationship between the murder and the need to vindicate is clear but surviving the trials of a ritualistic fraternity is not clear, this seams like a separate element tacked on for effect more than a story need.
How will this bring the MC closer to achieving her goal?
Hope this helps.
See less