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After offering a kidney to her sister they discover they were both adopted. They go on a search for family and a kidney based only on their Mum’s old diary.PS Adoptive parents are dead, can’t see how to fit that in.
Does it have to be a dual protagonist plot? This sounds like a family drama and feels best told from a single point of view, either the sister trying to save or the sister trying to survive. It has a nice built in ticking time bomb and high stakes so well done on that but it sounds like it has two gRead more
Does it have to be a dual protagonist plot?
This sounds like a family drama and feels best told from a single point of view, either the sister trying to save or the sister trying to survive.
It has a nice built in ticking time bomb and high stakes so well done on that but it sounds like it has two goals. One goal to find their real parents the other to find a kidney I personally find the later more interesting. The stakes are higher and the time is running out, why would they care abut a mother they know nothing about when life is at risk?
The search for the real parent could work as a sub plot but it shouldn’t distract from the ‘A’ plot of saving her life and in as such has no place in the logline.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen the most trusting man in America journeys to Nigeria to collect his expected inheritance promised to him in an e-mail by a prince, he must overcome bitter reality and find his prince in order to see the good in people once again.
As comedies go DPG's suggestion has more potential for comedic moments and is far more marketable. Unless you have a late draft script with a producer attached, why not develop the reverse concept instead? Otherwise the logline is too wordy, lacks an inciting incident (discovery of the scam maybe?)Read more
As comedies go DPG’s suggestion has more potential for comedic moments and is far more marketable.
Unless you have a late draft script with a producer attached, why not develop the reverse concept instead?
Otherwise the logline is too wordy, lacks an inciting incident (discovery of the scam maybe?) and has a vague goal.
Why does he travel to Nigeria in the first place? How does he plan on taking his inheritance?
What is it he wants to achieve exactly? How will he know he found “…the good in people…”? What will this look like?
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter tipping off police to his brother’s latest heist, a torn man must struggle to escape the consequences while keeping the loot; but when his brother is released on bail, he must learn where his true loyalty lies before losing the people most dear to him.
What about the MC will be interesting and empathetic for the audience? The MC sounds like a bad guy why would the audience care about him and watch him for the duration of the film? Hope this helps.
What about the MC will be interesting and empathetic for the audience?
The MC sounds like a bad guy why would the audience care about him and watch him for the duration of the film?
Hope this helps.
See less