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A cunning serial predator lures a stranded schoolgirl back to his den, where he tries to make her a pawn in his sadistic game, or, can she outplay him?
Why chess? this is a vague way to describe their battle of wits. The latest draft of the logline is too vague in its descriptions and lacks specific terms for the plot to be clear. Is the den his house? Or is it a cave? Is it an abandoned castle? Etc? By chess match is this an analogy to what they rRead more
Why chess? this is a vague way to describe their battle of wits.
The latest draft of the logline is too vague in its descriptions and lacks specific terms for the plot to be clear.
Is the den his house? Or is it a cave? Is it an abandoned castle? Etc?
By chess match is this an analogy to what they really do? Or do they actually play chess with a wager?
What is his “…sadistic game of depravity?” in specific terms?
In what way will her “…survival instincts makes her a worthy opponent ?” as this would be try to most protagonists in many stories?
What is the girl’s goal? What does “…could put him out of play for good?” mean or look like in specific terms? Will she castrate him? Kill him? Have him arrested? Etc…
Hope this helps.
See lessTwenty years after the horrific slaying of a family, terrified townsfolk wait in fear for the imminent return of the menacing monster that was put away for the crime.
The latest draft of the logline has the same problem as the original post. Who is the main character? Is it the townsfolk leader? What is a townsfolk leader? Is he or she a sherif? A mayer? Etc? What is his or her flaw? What is the event that starts him or her off on a journey what is the inciting iRead more
The latest draft of the logline has the same problem as the original post.
Who is the main character? Is it the townsfolk leader? What is a townsfolk leader? Is he or she a sherif? A mayer? Etc?
What is his or her flaw? What is the event that starts him or her off on a journey what is the inciting incident?
News of the monster returning is not a visual or significant enough an event to suffice perhaps make the monster appear in town or better yet kill again.
Other wise the logline is too long and contains too many details that are unrelated to the plot.
Hope this helps.
See lessReluctantly sent to live with his uncle, a troubled boy befriends the uncle’s recently adopted, timid and frightened dog and together face their fears and find the courage to rescue his older brother from a methamphetamine drug ring.
This logline is shorter and reads faster but still describes a vague and un clear plot. I think I may have not been clear about the need for a cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal. After Luke's adoptive parents, aunt Beru and uncle Owen, are killed by imperial troRead more
This logline is shorter and reads faster but still describes a vague and un clear plot.
I think I may have not been clear about the need for a cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal.
After Luke’s adoptive parents, aunt Beru and uncle Owen, are killed by imperial troopers he must accompany a Jedi knight on a quest to join the rebellion and defeat the evil galactic empire.
Luke’s goal is a clear cut derivative of his inciting incident which was a significant event none like any other he had experienced before that point.
However in your story finding his brother is not a direct derivative of the MC rescuing a dog. As a result the plot is fragmented between seemingly unrelated events therefore it fails to illustrate a dramatic spin from start to finish.
As previously mentioned if the goal is the brother the dog is an ally and unrelated to the plot and may not need to be in the logline.
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