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Reluctantly sent to live with his uncle, a troubled boy befriends the uncle’s recently adopted, timid and frightened dog and together face their fears and find the courage to rescue his older brother from a methamphetamine drug ring.
The latest iteration is as confusing as the original. The achievement of the MC's goal needs to be motivated by the inciting incident. As it is now the inciting incident is being sent to an uncles house this however does not directly relate to saving his brother from a life of substance abuse with aRead more
The latest iteration is as confusing as the original.
The achievement of the MC’s goal needs to be motivated by the inciting incident. As it is now the inciting incident is being sent to an uncles house this however does not directly relate to saving his brother from a life of substance abuse with a cause and effect relationship.
“…a boy?” is a poor description for a main character as it is vague and lacks a specific flaw for him to overcome. As a result (so it seams) “…troubled with trusting authority?” was added however this is not a unique character flaw rather the condition of most teenagers. Point is the character description needs to be specific and relate to the action by this I mean his character flaw needs to be an obstacle for him to overcome. For example; a misanthrope must befriend his his neighbour or a Nazi officer falls in love with a jewish woman, etc?
The dog element is external to the plot therefore both extends and complicates the concept in the logline unnecessarily.
See lessAfter a vagabond takes shelter in an abandon building, he discovers an alien invasion and must thwart it before the walls come tumbling down.
How does being hungry inhibit their ability to fight the aliens? If it does't then it may be better to change the character description to something that does. What was the inciting incident? Were they brought to the building by the aliens? Did the aliens land in the building they were already in? LRead more
How does being hungry inhibit their ability to fight the aliens? If it does’t then it may be better to change the character description to something that does.
What was the inciting incident? Were they brought to the building by the aliens? Did the aliens land in the building they were already in?
Lastly is there on particular character you could specify as the main character? Or is there a need for a multi protagonist plot?
Hope this helps.
See lessReluctantly sent to live with his uncle, a troubled boy befriends the uncle’s recently adopted, timid and frightened dog and together face their fears and find the courage to rescue his older brother from a methamphetamine drug ring.
This logline is too long and has too many vague terms with too few plot elements. "Reluctantly?" is a vague term for action or an event often used in loglines and indicates a lack of inherent conflict. Same goes for "?troubled?" as a character description because it is vague and lacks a direct conneRead more
This logline is too long and has too many vague terms with too few plot elements.
“Reluctantly?” is a vague term for action or an event often used in loglines and indicates a lack of inherent conflict. Same goes for “?troubled?” as a character description because it is vague and lacks a direct connection to the specific obstacles the character will face.
“…face their fears?” is a a vague term that fails to indicate a specific plot. What will embody their fears? How does he know that the dog shares the same fears as him?
I think the idea of a guy needing to rescue his brother from a life of drug abuse is interesting and has potential as a premise but the plot needs to be clear and the character descriptions more specific. But they need to also relate directly to the obstacles and story as a whole.
Hope this helps.
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