Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When their conversion to goodness is discovered by Lucifer, a young devil and his converted, ‘goody two shoes’ family flee Hell for the suburban life of Canberra where the boy finds that being a horned, red-skinned devil and ‘fitting in’ to Earthly life is not as easy as he thought.
This logline is too long and the goal is too vague. What does "...?fitting in? to Earthly life?" look like? How will the audience know he has finally succeeded in doing so? What does it mean in specific terms? The premise of there being whole families of devils living in hell is a leap of logic as mRead more
This logline is too long and the goal is too vague.
What does “…?fitting in? to Earthly life?” look like? How will the audience know he has finally succeeded in doing so? What does it mean in specific terms?
The premise of there being whole families of devils living in hell is a leap of logic as most people know the basic hierarchy of hell to be the devil at the top with a minion of demons beneath him.
The setup to explain that hell is actually run by a fully functional society comprised of family units and therefore vastly different to what most people know hell to be is huge. I don’t know if it is anymore interesting than just the devil himself or less interesting but it is an unnecessary complication if the story is set on earth in a normal society.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a young computer prodigy discovers he exists in a virtual world, he reprograms reality to save his father with cataclysmic consequences.
The most recent draft of the logline is too long and includes too much redundant detail. What is the specific plot beats you need to make this story work? Inciting incident is the discovery of living in a computer generated world. The goal is to either live with his parents again then is is to saveRead more
The most recent draft of the logline is too long and includes too much redundant detail. What is the specific plot beats you need to make this story work?
Inciting incident is the discovery of living in a computer generated world.
The goal is to either live with his parents again then is is to save the world.
I think saving the world is a bigger stake and therefor think it would make for a better goal. As such the inciting incident needs to instigate him to need to save the world. Perhaps all of humanity live happily in a computer and are fully aware of it to. Then the inciting incident can be his discovery that the digital universe he lives in is falling apart and as a result needs to take action.
See lessA racially maligned orphan prone to violence is unwillingly thrust into politics and must fight for those who have vilified her to avoid civil war as well as protect her friends
Agreed with the above comments time and place seam important in this case and the character description is unnecessarily complicated.
Agreed with the above comments time and place seam important in this case and the character description is unnecessarily complicated.
See less