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An IDF Lieutenant has terrible visions of the world’s destruction relating to the arrival of a man claiming to be the Messiah through unexplained miracles.
Is there a long awaited king for Israel? What does a man of god mean or look like? Is he a priest? Or a rabbi? Or a monk? How does the arrival of a religious figure instigate the MC to take action? And what is that action? What does he want to achieve with it? Hope this helps.
Is there a long awaited king for Israel? What does a man of god mean or look like? Is he a priest? Or a rabbi? Or a monk?
How does the arrival of a religious figure instigate the MC to take action? And what is that action? What does he want to achieve with it?
Hope this helps.
See lessA dogged photo-journalist who is one of seven witnesses to the death of a young woman gradually exposes the thin veneers of the six other people interwoven in the dead woman?s life and the powerful man that killed her.
Colourful descriptions such as "...dogged photo-journalist?" and "...thin veneers ?" and "...interwoven in the dead woman?s life?" are vague in nature and do not contribute to a clear understanding of the story. Best to specific the inciting incident in a clear and concise manner for example: AfterRead more
Colourful descriptions such as “…dogged photo-journalist?” and “…thin veneers ?” and “…interwoven in the dead woman?s life?” are vague in nature and do not contribute to a clear understanding of the story.
Best to specific the inciting incident in a clear and concise manner for example: After a journalist witnesses a murder?
A big problem in this logline is the lack of a causal connection between the inciting incident and the action the MC will take. Why must he expose information about these other people after witnessing a murder?
Lastly and most importantly what is the MC’s goal? Gradually exposing is the action the MC will take but to what end? Also not sure that a gradual exposition of other characters would make for a compelling act 2? Is there anything else he or she can do?
Hope this helps.
See lessTwenty years after the unexplained disappearance of five children, a grubby private investigator and his straight-laced daughter get tangled up in the case, taking on the mob, decade old secrets and the gritty underworld of 60's America.
The plot is unclear. What exactly will the PI do? What exactly does he need to achieve? Find the missing persons? Find their bodies? Catch the kidnapers? Also what are the stakes? What will happen if he fails to achieve his goal? Equally, what will happen if he succeeds? Hope this helps.
The plot is unclear. What exactly will the PI do? What exactly does he need to achieve? Find the missing persons? Find their bodies? Catch the kidnapers?
Also what are the stakes? What will happen if he fails to achieve his goal? Equally, what will happen if he succeeds?
Hope this helps.
See less