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When a scared young man defies tradition by refusing death from the woman who mated with him he must find a way to escape the cities retribution.
The premise seams strange not sure what the man is trying to do, stay alive? If so this a generic aspiration that most characters have, how is this different or interesting? The setup seams convoluted and unclear as this is obviously a made up society in which ritual post coital killing is practicedRead more
The premise seams strange not sure what the man is trying to do, stay alive? If so this a generic aspiration that most characters have, how is this different or interesting?
The setup seams convoluted and unclear as this is obviously a made up society in which ritual post coital killing is practiced. But where, when, why? The plausibility of the setup is held in doubt on first read of the logline and indicates a potential fundamental problem with the concept.
Sorry for the lack of positive notes but I figured best to be honest, hope you can appreciate this.
Hope this helps.
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A good way to create a "hook" or increase interest in a generic plot such as this is by the use of a unique combination of character flaw or description and goal. Where the character flaw or other description will pose an obstacle for the MC to achieving their goal. For example: An agoraphobe must sRead more
A good way to create a “hook” or increase interest in a generic plot such as this is by the use of a unique combination of character flaw or description and goal. Where the character flaw or other description will pose an obstacle for the MC to achieving their goal.
For example: An agoraphobe must step out on stage in front of the whole school.
Hope this helps.
See lessA group of nerdy teen boys who are sick of being picked on by the bigger kids and being rejected by the hot girl decide to shoot up the school danc
Good comments by Richiev. I have to add though; is this too close to the bone with recent shootings in America? What I mean is geeks are traditionally comic characters and the first half of the logline reads similar to Revenge of The Nerds. As such I ask; is the subject matter inappropriate for comeRead more
Good comments by Richiev.
I have to add though; is this too close to the bone with recent shootings in America? What I mean is geeks are traditionally comic characters and the first half of the logline reads similar to Revenge of The Nerds. As such I ask; is the subject matter inappropriate for comedy?
Or is this entirely dramatic? If so the logline failed to communicate this in its initial draft, possibly due to a lack of personalisation and clear stakes.
Hope this helps.
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