I think what Richiev tried to do is suggest a way to use as much of the original logline as possible yet structure a good working logline. I personally think he succeeded as his draft contains a plot, stakes and a potential for an antagonist all at the same time describing the action the MC will take during act 2 and as such the genre as well.

As it stands the original logline lacks a specific inciting incident but eludes to one only at the end this being the demonic possession. Additionally it doesn’t describe a goal clearly enough again it eludes at the MC needing to stop demons or evil spirits but doesn’t specify.

Many of the elements that take up a large portion of the logline in the start of it appear redundant to the plot and character arch. These may be interesting additions but not vital to understanding the story therefore perhaps best to delegate the description of the woman, his orders and the setting to the treatment.

With these removed you are left with a MC being the faithless priest a very good character description as it very quickly establishes inner conflict and a flaw. This main character needs to stop demonic possessions but how specifically? Must he stop one grand demon? Must he stop the devil himself? An army of invading demons? What is going to be his major obstacle?

Lastly what is his goal specifically? And what are the stakes? Is it one or two possessed people that are at risk? The whole town? Or the whole world?

Hope this helps.

Hey guys.

IMDB will not always display the original logline a film was pitched with or the tag line it was released with. More often than not it shows user generated loglines, reviews and plot summaries as such I would be wary using IMDB as reference for loglines.

Regarding the “Classic” section it is dedicated for logline practice by drafting loglines for produced films, which is essentially what Blossomingscripts has done.

When posting under “Private” you are posting a logline for review but the only difference is that the general public won’t see it come up under the “Home” tab or shouldn’t any how…
It is meant for the OP to PM specific members of the site for a review by invite. As mods however we can see Private posts and review them non the less.

If this wasn’t the case I’ll look into it, Blossomingscripts can you please PM me the link to the original Private posting?

Thanks.