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A jaded teenager is determined to uncover the truth of her reality after she detects glitches in the real world, which everyone else attributes to their augmented reality goggles.
The inciting incident of detecting flitches in reality is very similar to that of The Matrix, how will you separate this enough to be an original idea? If detecting a glitch in reality is the inciting incident then best to mention it earlier in the logline before the goal not after the way it is nowRead more
The inciting incident of detecting flitches in reality is very similar to that of The Matrix, how will you separate this enough to be an original idea?
If detecting a glitch in reality is the inciting incident then best to mention it earlier in the logline before the goal not after the way it is now.
For example:
After detecting glitches in the real world a jaded teenager must [do some thing]…
The goal is too vague, if she wants to uncover truths of her reality, what truths are these exactly? And how will she do this? More to the point though the motivation and and stakes are not clear. What is the worst that can happen if she doesn’t uncover the truth? What will happen if she does?
The last part of the logline about every one else and their augmented goggles seams unrelated to the main plot and the logline could do with out it. The obstacle of other people not believing her appears to have little impact, if this is indeed a difficult obstacle to over come best to describe it as such or other wise leave it for the synopsis.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a misfit discovers that she, and the rest of humanity, are just a computer simulation, she must team with a rebellious AI to prevent the simulators shutting down the virtual world in an attempt to stop humanity from being reborn.
The logline uses too many words best to slim it down significantly. I.e: After a misfit discovers humanity is a virtual race in a computer she must unite all the AI's to fight the simulators from shutting them down. However as concepts go this doesn't sound like a good potential for production. It oRead more
The logline uses too many words best to slim it down significantly.
I.e:
After a misfit discovers humanity is a virtual race in a computer she must unite all the AI’s to fight the simulators from shutting them down.
However as concepts go this doesn’t sound like a good potential for production. It outlines a very large budget shoot and a complex post path with many VFX shots, basically this will require a studio to back it.
But with out a pre established comic book style built in audience and as DPG said a gloomy outlook for humanity either way also in light of the hugely successful Matrix franchise I just can’t see any exec green lighting this.
See lessA young woman imprisoned in Greenland must prepare for her eventual release while at the same time dealing with the issue of guilt.
What DPG said, the concept lacks the basic elements that make a plot. "?young woman?" is a very weak description of a main character as it is too generic and doesn't imply a flaw for her to overcome. Dealing with something is not an action it is the experience of an emption, these are all too commonRead more
What DPG said, the concept lacks the basic elements that make a plot.
“?young woman?” is a very weak description of a main character as it is too generic and doesn’t imply a flaw for her to overcome.
Dealing with something is not an action it is the experience of an emption, these are all too common in loglines where a writer didn’t choose exactly what the character does.
What does she actually do in the story? What does she actually want?
Hope this helps.
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