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When a deadly soil-borne virus is released in Canberra, an obsessed scientist battles military and political forces to save the city from pre-emptive destruction.
Your last draft of the logline reads very well and has all the story elements a logline needs. I would change "when" to After as the MC would likely take action only after the inciting incident. I take it from your last post that you are either pitching or submitting this so good luck.
Your last draft of the logline reads very well and has all the story elements a logline needs. I would change “when” to After as the MC would likely take action only after the inciting incident.
I take it from your last post that you are either pitching or submitting this so good luck.
See lessWhen a deadly soil-borne virus is released in Canberra, an obsessed scientist battles military and political forces to save the city from pre-emptive destruction.
Does sound similar to the basic premise in Outbreak maybe too similar...? That said it could still be structured in a way that may still prove different/interesting enough to work. The inciting incident raises too many questions to be a good event. Who? How and When? In your post above you mentionedRead more
Does sound similar to the basic premise in Outbreak maybe too similar…?
That said it could still be structured in a way that may still prove different/interesting enough to work.
The inciting incident raises too many questions to be a good event.
Who? How and When?
In your post above you mentioned the CSIRO were responsible but this would be too cryptic an acronym for anyone outside of Australia. Perhaps best to specify; After a secret government lab accidentally leaks a deadly virus…
The MC description needs to relate to an obstacle that will hinder his efforts perhaps if he has been alienated from the scientific community somehow it would be harder for him to convince them.
Also better to specify that he needs to prevent the military from nuking the town this is a very clear goal with huge stakes at hand.
Lastly I posted on another of your loglines regarding the 25 word limit, it is a recommendation only. Better to use less words but not a must especially if you are using the loglin to help structure the plot as appose to pitch the idea.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a self-absorbed soapie star stops receiving fan mail from his most obsessive fan he embarks on an relentless mission to find out why.
Great idea for a quirky comedy, the plot however is a bit unclear and the logline structure could use some work. e.g: After his most obsessive fan stops sending him letters a self obsessed soap star goes on a mission to find out why. It would be funny if the soap star then becomes obsessed with theRead more
Great idea for a quirky comedy, the plot however is a bit unclear and the logline structure could use some work.
e.g:
After his most obsessive fan stops sending him letters a self obsessed soap star goes on a mission to find out why.
It would be funny if the soap star then becomes obsessed with the fan and turns into a stalker him self. Just thinking ahead perhaps not what you had in mind but this also sounds interesting.
Perhaps a twist would be that the network set up a fake fan and it turns out that all overly obsessed fans were set up by the network and regularly paid to write about the soap stars as a marketing ploy.
Then the soap star discovers all this and realizes he is no better than anyone else and shouldn’t be as self obsessed as he was.
After his most obsessive fan stops sending him letters a self obsessed soap star goes on a mission to find out why. He finds that all fans are actually marketing gimmicks organized by the networks and must expose the truth to put a stop to the falsity.
Its a bit long but gets a reversal of approach for mid act 2, a goal and an obstacle.
Hope this helps.
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