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A lonely middle aged autistic man's painful journey to spread wings and not slip into a made up fantasy world – after beloved parents violently die in a car accident of his doing.
Yes good point how about: As a result of a car accident a lonely autistic man looses his beloved parents and must now find a friend in order to stop himself from slipping into a made up fantasy world.
Yes good point how about:
See lessAs a result of a car accident a lonely autistic man looses his beloved parents and must now find a friend in order to stop himself from slipping into a made up fantasy world.
When his bride loses her memory of him a week before the wedding, an unromantic guy's guy must restore it by recreating their courtship?s most romantic moments or face losing the love of his life.
The first option in the last draft of the logline is too wordy for a logline, best to get to the plot quicker than try and over describe the elements in the story. Example: "?love of his life?" = bride, "?rough around the edges guy's guy?" = "?guy's guy?" Providing that losing ones memory is a crediRead more
The first option in the last draft of the logline is too wordy for a logline, best to get to the plot quicker than try and over describe the elements in the story. Example: “?love of his life?” = bride, “?rough around the edges guy’s guy?” = “?guy’s guy?”
Providing that losing ones memory is a credible premise in the story shouldn’t she need to loos memory of him not their courtship. Forgetting how they got together is not such a big deal as long as she remembers who he is and how she feels about him.
Better for the story if she forgets him all together the stakes are just not high enough otherwise to make the story interesting for a romantic comedy.
The second option of the last draft doesn’t describe a clear main action and therefor a clear plot. The term “…pulls out all the romantic stops?” is a vague description of action as the reader doesn’t understand how the MC will do what he does.
I think the first option is better but needs to be leaned up.
See lessIn New Orleans, the eccentric owner of a floating casino plays both sides of the law– providing law enforcement with sensitive information while systematically eliminating threats to his growing criminal enterprise.
What DPG said but also the wording of the logline lacks economy. Better to describe less elements more accurately than more elements vaguely, for example: "...a floating casino?" = casino, unless it being a floating establishment is critical to the plot casino will do. "...eccentric owner?" = owner,Read more
What DPG said but also the wording of the logline lacks economy.
Better to describe less elements more accurately than more elements vaguely, for example:
“…a floating casino?” = casino, unless it being a floating establishment is critical to the plot casino will do.
“…eccentric owner?” = owner, eccentric doesn’t read as a good character flaw in this instance which makes this character description redundant for a logline. Only describe what it is about the MC that is important for a reader to know.
What kind of character description will make it harder for the MC to achieve the goal? (but as mentioned we don’t know what the goal is from the logline?).
“…providing law enforcement with sensitive information while systematically eliminating threats?” = rats on his enemies, criminals ratting on their enemies to the police is a well established trope you can use it in a logline to help with economy and clarity.
Hope this helps.
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