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Extraterrestrial monsters destroy humanity, save for an obstinate survivalist who vows revenge.
A main character with a positive and noble goal will be easier for the audience to develop empathy with than a character with a self serving negative goal.
A main character with a positive and noble goal will be easier for the audience to develop empathy with than a character with a self serving negative goal.
See lessExtraterrestrial monsters destroy humanity, save for an obstinate survivalist who vows revenge.
The MC is hell bent on revenge but this on its own is a negative and self centred ambition perhaps his motivation should be to prevent this from happening on other worlds instead. As mentioned above the logline lacks a clear plot. The inciting incident is clear; humanity is killed, but not personalRead more
The MC is hell bent on revenge but this on its own is a negative and self centred ambition perhaps his motivation should be to prevent this from happening on other worlds instead.
As mentioned above the logline lacks a clear plot. The inciting incident is clear; humanity is killed, but not personal (however it is implied). How about specifying that he wants to avenge his family being killed after humanity is wiped out and in doing so is motivated to saving the next world the alines are targeting.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a depressed hammerhead shark befriends a therapeutic dolphin, his incompetant shrink – a wite shark – wants to violently stop the healing process.
There is a genre confusion here. The logline describes an animated children's comedy similar to Finding Nemo and Madagascar this is because you anthropomorphised the animal characters. However, your explanations hint at it being a more violent affair for adults. Regardless the story you based this oRead more
There is a genre confusion here.
The logline describes an animated children’s comedy similar to Finding Nemo and Madagascar this is because you anthropomorphised the animal characters. However, your explanations hint at it being a more violent affair for adults.
Regardless the story you based this on, best to structure a story that works better for an audience as appose to sticking to “what really happened”. In this case I would make this a playful animated comedy for kids all the needed bare story components are there.
As such the logline needs to reflect better what the hammerhead wants and what makes him want it in other words; the inciting incident and goal.
In the second draft of the logline (which you preferred) you specified that he thinks he is a dolphin, what made him suddenly think he is one? Did he bump his head? Suffer amnesia? What ever made him think he was a dolphin is the inciting incident.
The other option is he always thought he was a dolphin this however is a more cryptic approach as there is no definitive point in time this came about and would require much backstory to explain. If this is the case then when he learns he isn’t actually a dolphin would be the inciting incident but I fear this will happen too late in the story to work well within act 1.
Either way what is it he wants to achieve? Helping other animals is vague as a goal because it isn’t a specific measurable and visual goal perhaps specify one animal he is emotionally attached to and make helping that friend in a specific way his goal.
Hope this helps.
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