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After gaining superhuman powers, a group of wannabe heroes run into a bunch of hijinxs when they decide they’d rather be super-villains.
The concept here is confusing. If they gained super hero powers they are super heroes and not wannabe heroes so perhaps best to describe them as wannabe heroes that then gained powers. After a group of wannabe super heroes actually gained super powers? The main characters are not clear, how many peoRead more
The concept here is confusing.
If they gained super hero powers they are super heroes and not wannabe heroes so perhaps best to describe them as wannabe heroes that then gained powers.
After a group of wannabe super heroes actually gained super powers?
The main characters are not clear, how many people are in the group? What ages are they? Male or female? Is there a reason that the story is about a group of people and not one? Is the multi protagonist plot necessary? If not I suggest making this a story about one person it would be easier to describe them and structure the story well.
What is a hijinx? This is an unclear element of the story.
The twist at the end of their ambitions changing to being super-villains is an unexpected change of character that may deter producers as it calls for a different plot and heroes journey. This also makes them anti heroes but without an appropriate character build up to support it.
Look at Breaking Bad it took season 2, 3, 4 and 5 to transform a character from hero to anti hero thats 1800 hours of screen time and it just about worked…
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen his bride loses her memory of him a week before the wedding, an unromantic guy's guy must restore it by recreating their courtship?s most romantic moments or face losing the love of his life.
Good point made by DPG he needs to start over again only the clock is ticking this time round. i.e: After his bride loses her memory a week before their wedding, a guy's guy must successfully propose again by recreating their courtship?s most romantic moments before the ceremony. I would try to intrRead more
Good point made by DPG he needs to start over again only the clock is ticking this time round.
i.e:
After his bride loses her memory a week before their wedding, a guy’s guy must successfully propose again by recreating their courtship?s most romantic moments before the ceremony.
I would try to introduce an antagonist such as a crazy ex boyfriend the bride had who tries to take advantage of her memory lose.
Hope this helps.
See lessShort Film: After the Sun went out, the earth became a cold, dangerous and dark place and people avoid leaving the house in fear of the temperature, murderers and lack of oxygen. When a young girl, depressed by her parents disappearance, realizes her little sister has left, she must go out and find her before it's too late.
The beginning of your logline delays the start of the story by having this: "In a dark and dangerous world with no sun and most of the people gone," before it tells what happens. Better to jump into the action sooner rather than later because the point of the logline is to describe the plot above alRead more
The beginning of your logline delays the start of the story by having this: “In a dark and dangerous world with no sun and most of the people gone,” before it tells what happens.
Better to jump into the action sooner rather than later because the point of the logline is to describe the plot above all.
So if you were to remove the first sentence it would read:
“A terrified young girl must find her sister before she dies from the cold, lack of oxygen or gets killed by survivors gone mad?
However this is confusing because the environment is not mentioned and there is no inciting incident.
Also the MC flaw is too generic and therefore does’t relate to the specific obstacle she will face It begs the question; terrified of what?
Her depression is not a flaw it is a condition and a result of her circumstance I would expect most people to be depressed if they were in her shoes? It is nothing she can necessarily over come and I think pales in comparison to her over coming for example: nytcophobia or agoraphobia.
In essence the lack of oxygen, sun and general danger should come across from the setting description as it plays such a heavy part in this concept but not elaborated on. Let the description engage the readers imagination and make them want to know more rather than specify exactly the nature of this dreadful place.
I think Richiev gave a good re draft bellow the brevity in the setting description helps the reader understand the stakes. I would recommend perhaps an even shorter description such as: post apocalyptic, but that comes down to personal taste. As long as it sets up a setting that could have all the needed “bad things” to make MC’s goal harder (and therefore more interesting) to achieve.
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