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Short Film: After the Sun went out, the earth became a cold, dangerous and dark place and people avoid leaving the house in fear of the temperature, murderers and lack of oxygen. When a young girl, depressed by her parents disappearance, realizes her little sister has left, she must go out and find her before it's too late.
I think the story elements are good only the flaw needs to relate to her obstacles as her over coming her flaw should be a condition of achieving the main goal. My suggestion for clarity sake would be to change her flaw to only fear without the depression. The logline can then change to: After her lRead more
I think the story elements are good only the flaw needs to relate to her obstacles as her over coming her flaw should be a condition of achieving the main goal.
My suggestion for clarity sake would be to change her flaw to only fear without the depression. The logline can then change to:
See lessAfter her little sister has wondered alone into the post apocalyptic wasteland they live in, a young girl petrified of the outdoors must find her before any of the surviving gangs do.
Short Film: After the Sun went out, the earth became a cold, dangerous and dark place and people avoid leaving the house in fear of the temperature, murderers and lack of oxygen. When a young girl, depressed by her parents disappearance, realizes her little sister has left, she must go out and find her before it's too late.
Good points raised above. The logline presents a big plot hole one which may be dealt with elegantly in the story but could be a big stumbling block to many readers. This is because our sun will, before literally "going out", go supernova and engulf the earth. The likelihood of life surviving this pRead more
Good points raised above.
The logline presents a big plot hole one which may be dealt with elegantly in the story but could be a big stumbling block to many readers. This is because our sun will, before literally “going out”, go supernova and engulf the earth.
The likelihood of life surviving this presents a large caveat in the basic logic of the premise. I think best to not mention this in the logline and as FFF suggested focus on the plot who wants what and why.
The second half of the logline:
“… When a young girl, depressed by her parents disappearance, realizes her little sister has left, she must go out and find her before it’s too late. ”
Is your story use this as a base and add a brief description of the environment to help understand the stakes.
i.e:
After a young girl, depressed by her parents disappearance, realizes her little sister has wondered alone into the post apocalyptic wasteland they live in, she must find her before any of the surviving gangs do.
Not sure how to fit the decaying atmosphere into this, I’m also not sure it is needed either, if the danger of a desperate bunch of people is introduced.
Hope this helps.
See lessThomas Gunn an New Hampshire lawenforcement officer, gets a call from an old friend from Mississippi, to come down and solve a murder. Finding out who did it and many wrenchs thrown in the process
This iteration of a previously posted logline from a different thread presents little new information, lacks a clear plot and includes generic descriptions that are vague in nature similar to the original post. All previous comments to the former iteration still apply. Hope this helps.
This iteration of a previously posted logline from a different thread presents little new information, lacks a clear plot and includes generic descriptions that are vague in nature similar to the original post.
All previous comments to the former iteration still apply.
Hope this helps.
See less