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A superhuman woman, that is expected to be a savior of the futuristic world with no energy, needs to be saved by a looser fanboy- though not from danger outside, but rather from her self. Note: This is actually meant for comics(manga) script. Target audience is Y/A. Genre is sci-fi action/drama.
"...the flaw of the heroin is that she is expected to be hero?, but she is not yet." - Which means her flaw is denying her responsibilities I think this is a good flaw run with that but describe it in an efficient and poignant way. "For inciting incident- that will need some work to put in the logliRead more
“…the flaw of the heroin is that she is expected to be hero?, but she is not yet.” – Which means her flaw is denying her responsibilities I think this is a good flaw run with that but describe it in an efficient and poignant way.
“For inciting incident- that will need some work to put in the logline, since its not that easy to describe it shortly and effectively,” – This is indicative of a problematic inciting incident. Best to devise an absolutely clear and easy to understand inciting incident for the plot to make the MC need to achieve the external goal.
See lessA superhuman woman, that is expected to be a savior of the futuristic world with no energy, needs to be saved by a looser fanboy- though not from danger outside, but rather from her self. Note: This is actually meant for comics(manga) script. Target audience is Y/A. Genre is sci-fi action/drama.
Agreed with Richiev. But regarding the plot at hand the MC needs a flaw as the logline focuses on her inner journey more. This is a good thing as super hero movies are hard to pitch outside of the DC and Marvel worlds with built in fan bases. Therefore the MC's inner journey is more important in thiRead more
Agreed with Richiev.
But regarding the plot at hand the MC needs a flaw as the logline focuses on her inner journey more.
This is a good thing as super hero movies are hard to pitch outside of the DC and Marvel worlds with built in fan bases. Therefore the MC’s inner journey is more important in this instance only it isn’t defined.
Also the logline needs to specify a starting point for the story. What is the inciting incident? What happens to her that makes her need to save and be saved?
Once the inciting incident and her flaw are defined you can establish a clearer goal than save the world as that is a vague action to take and goals benefit from specificity.
Hope this helps.
See lessA Nanny is mysteriously directed to the wrong house and is demanded to kill captive children for a soul hungry Entity whose time is running out to earn immortality; she must choose to save the children and escape or be tortured, forever captive with them.
As a whole I found this logline confusing. The nanny is the main character but not a hero as she wants to do something negative avenge and kill children. She is stated as acting on her own behalf but also hinted at being either possessed or manipulated by the entity. There is no definitive incitingRead more
As a whole I found this logline confusing. The nanny is the main character but not a hero as she wants to do something negative avenge and kill children.
She is stated as acting on her own behalf but also hinted at being either possessed or manipulated by the entity.
There is no definitive inciting incident that clearly motivates her so it is unclear why she need to do this now.
As Riechiev suggested there is no clear cause and effect between her motivation and her actions, so her outer goal is not defined and the connection between her goal and her motivations are vague.
Lastly the descriptions of the children are confusing and her need for step motherhood is not clearly understood.
To aid further feedback can you please list the story elements bellow:
MC –
Inciting incident –
Goal –
MC flaw –
Obstacle –
Antagonist (if present) –
Hope this helps.
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