Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A young woman inadvertantly becomes the reluctant host to a corporeol lifeform her father agreed to transport across the galaxy on their cargo ship and discovers that the alien is on the run from enemies of the intergalactic coalition who want to use it's powers to over throw the government. She must use her new found abilities to save herself and everything and everyone she loves.
The plot can be simplified to the main character, her action and her goal. There is less a need for the wordy descriptions and abundant of detail in the logline. Also best to specify and inciting incident and goal with a direct cause and effect relationship that force the MC to take action. My try:Read more
The plot can be simplified to the main character, her action and her goal. There is less a need for the wordy descriptions and abundant of detail in the logline. Also best to specify and inciting incident and goal with a direct cause and effect relationship that force the MC to take action.
My try:
After a young woman aboard a space ship inadvertently becomes the host of a life form which was a runaway slave. She must help him fight the evil galactic government to free his people in order to save her own life.
Hope this helps.
See lessA Nanny is mysteriously directed to the wrong house and is demanded to kill captive children for a soul hungry Entity whose time is running out to earn immortality; she must choose to save the children and escape or be tortured, forever captive with them.
Bscott. A logline has a known formula that it needs to follow. I'm not saying that story's have formulas but log lines present specific story elements in a specific way. The comments above are indicative of a fundamental problem in the construct of your logline not necessarily your story. The storyRead more
Bscott.
A logline has a known formula that it needs to follow. I’m not saying that story’s have formulas but log lines present specific story elements in a specific way. The comments above are indicative of a fundamental problem in the construct of your logline not necessarily your story. The story may be perfect as is but we are unable to understand it as the logline fails to describe the story using the known story parameters that a logline needs.
This is the logline formula:
After a significant event happens to a main character with this specific flaw he or she must take this compelling action to achieve this clear visual goal.
In your logline:
Significant event – I can’t see one in your logline this is the inciting incident that starts your MC off on their journey and needs to be present in the logline.
Main character – is the nanny.
Flaw – Bipolar disorder, however I would argue this is a disease not a character flaw.
Compelling action – “…discover her mental/emotional/spiritual power?” this is not compelling enough and would mostly be an internal process for her not external one for the audience to see.
Goal – destroy the entity this is a good visible goal we can see her killing the entity or sending it back to where it came from.
See lessWhen her only daughter intends to get married within a month, 50 yrs old widow Neela, who has deep fear of loneliness, must become aware of this fear by stop denying it and then try to face and overcome this fear by accepting the truth that we are all alone so that she can give consent to her daughter's marriage.
There appears to be 2 big problems with this logline. The first is with the concept, as you said in an earlier post this is set in modern day as such most western audiences will likely not suspend their disbelief. Now day and age most adult women can and do marry whom ever they want with or withoutRead more
There appears to be 2 big problems with this logline.
The first is with the concept, as you said in an earlier post this is set in modern day as such most western audiences will likely not suspend their disbelief. Now day and age most adult women can and do marry whom ever they want with or without parental consent. As previously mentioned unless you specify a cultural background that provides such limitations on wedlock the concept will not work for most readers.
Secondly, as DPG mentioned, there is a problem with the plot changing the external goal will likely not work. What you can do is a change of approach to achieve the goal only this doesnt need to be in the logline.
Lastly the audience will care for the MC and want to see them do what they do if the stakes are high enough. Stakes increase interest in a story and in this instance the stakes just don’t do that. This is only my opinion but it is an indication of what other people may think as well.
See less