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A young white Afrikaner fights for the liberation of his people in an alternate history of reversed Apartheid.
An interesting play on racial devices how ever the concept does't present an original idea at all. Liberation stories of slavery on the basis of race have been told for thousands of years "Let my people go?". The interest from the role reversal gimmick will ware itself out after about 10 min of screRead more
An interesting play on racial devices how ever the concept does’t present an original idea at all.
Liberation stories of slavery on the basis of race have been told for thousands of years “Let my people go?”.
The interest from the role reversal gimmick will ware itself out after about 10 min of screen time i.e once the opening image is established.
What about this story will keep the audience interested from that point to the end? How will it be different from the myriad of other similar if not identical stories?
My point is best to mention the MC’s original and compelling inner as well as outer journey in this logline.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen an armoured aircraft containing millions crash lands in a post apocalyptic desert,A young and innocent hunter must travel down a dangerous road and battle against an assortment of motley, money hungry mercenaries in order to to be the first to the crash site to rescue her brother, before it becomes a deadly war zone.
Hey Huey. Good re work by FFF but the stakes need clarifying. Post apocalyptic implies that money would not really have the same value as pre apocalyptic so perhaps best to specify another commodity that would could spark a war. Perhaps life saving water, food or oil (a bit close to Mad Max though?)Read more
Hey Huey.
Good re work by FFF but the stakes need clarifying.
Post apocalyptic implies that money would not really have the same value as pre apocalyptic so perhaps best to specify another commodity that would could spark a war. Perhaps life saving water, food or oil (a bit close to Mad Max though?).
Perhaps:
After her brother crash lands a cargo plane full of water in a post-apocalyptic desert a young hunter must beat a tribe of mercenaries to the plane in order to save his life.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter being augmented against her will, a street-girl from a futuristic city must avoid capture by both former allies as well as the wealthy caste — sparking a civil war in which only the strongest survive.
I understand that the augmentation appears to be a major part of the story and the civil war may comes across as a ticking time bomb but neither actually achieve their goal in the logline. "...cybernetically augmented?" reads convoluted and the civil war has no connection to the inciting incident inRead more
I understand that the augmentation appears to be a major part of the story and the civil war may comes across as a ticking time bomb but neither actually achieve their goal in the logline.
“…cybernetically augmented?” reads convoluted and the civil war has no connection to the inciting incident in the logline.
The basic story is about a girl who is captured then physically altered and seeks revenge on her captures before escaping right?
The civil war is unrelated to this simple plot in my mind the logline can do with out it being mentioned.
Better to simplify the inciting incident and use terms that are clear and easy to understand. Also a good hero is just that a hero and takes action to do good for others as well as them selves so best to give her a noble goal not just a personal revenge one.
Also would be great if you could introduce a central antagonistic character.
Just a suggestion:
After a street-girl is captured and experimented on by a cyber-medical company she must fight to escape and stop the company from carrying out further experiments on other victims.
Hope this helps.
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