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While a group of older teens are on a camping trip secretly building an unregistered ship,their planet is attacked and destroyed those not killed were taken.The teens have to rescue their families/friends.
Great comments raised above. I would add that the teens description is unclear, what does older teens mean? Older than who? Best to describe a character flaw in this case than the age. Teens is enough to place the characters in a specific demographic. Additionally the way in which the families are cRead more
Great comments raised above.
I would add that the teens description is unclear, what does older teens mean? Older than who? Best to describe a character flaw in this case than the age. Teens is enough to place the characters in a specific demographic.
Additionally the way in which the families are captured and the MC evades capture is irrelevant to the logline. What is relevant is the main plot points at hand, these are: The MCs family is captured by an an invading alien force and the MC fights to free his or her family.
There have been many stories about a MC needing to free their family from an invading force but what makes them unique is the inner journey the MC has to go on before achieving their outer goal.
Best to focus in the next draft of the logline on the MC and their flaw with direct causality to them being able to free the family and not on how and where they were during the invasion.
As it stands now the logline has a few similarities with “Tomorrow When the War Began” I don’t think that was a good film so you could learn a few lessons from it of what not to do.
Hope this helps.
See less?When a traumatized family moves in to a new house on a remote island and gets hauted by a bloodthirsty dead plague doctor?an overprotective mother ?must find a way for her and her family to survive and force the plague doctor to cross over to the other side.
In addition to the above questions consider the following as well prior to redrafting the logline. What is the inciting incident; is it moving to the house? Discovering the ghost? OR the ghost starting is haunting torment? What family is traumatised? What does a traumatised family mean? What are theRead more
In addition to the above questions consider the following as well prior to redrafting the logline.
What is the inciting incident; is it moving to the house? Discovering the ghost? OR the ghost starting is haunting torment?
What family is traumatised? What does a traumatised family mean? What are they traumatised from?
Hope this helps.
See lessTwo best friends with Down Syndrome are ecstatic to discover that they have been selected to test Hoogle?s new technology: the Hoogle Hat. But when the hat seems to brainwash the other test subjects, they realize that they are the only people who can stop Hoogle from taking over the world.
In addition to DPGs comments, the inciting incident doesn't appear to have a direct impact on the protagonist (which ever character that ends up being). A large company announces something is not an event or action done to the MC. A good inciting incident needs to provide a sudden change to the lifeRead more
In addition to DPGs comments, the inciting incident doesn’t appear to have a direct impact on the protagonist (which ever character that ends up being).
A large company announces something is not an event or action done to the MC. A good inciting incident needs to provide a sudden change to the life and world of the MC and force him or her to pursue the goal. In this case the event seems incidental to the MC’s life and their resulting actions come across as laboured and unrelated.
How can you directly relate the company’s actions and MC to each other?
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