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A naive young wordsmith from a country village must face down the dark and callous aspects of humanity to rescue his childhood friend, kidnapped years earlier, and bring down the criminal organisation which has subjugated her
"...the protagonist must find the courage and confidence to step out of his usual observer? role and act decisively, which is usually out of his character." This is a great inner journey so best to use it to drive the story. As mentioned true to fact or not is irrelevant best to tell a compelling stRead more
“…the protagonist must find the courage and confidence to step out of his usual observer? role and act decisively, which is usually out of his character.”
This is a great inner journey so best to use it to drive the story. As mentioned true to fact or not is irrelevant best to tell a compelling story than one that happened the same underlying message will come through regardless. This happens using the inner journey in a significant manner.
I still think the idea of remembering even distinct facial features many years later is not enough to prompt someone to follow a stranger around town. Also the stakes still don’t seam high enough.
Perhaps to resolve both of these issues you make him bare witness to the kidnaping but due to his nature i.e his flaw he was unable to save the girl. I would also make her his child hood sweetheart or sister as appose to a generic girl to help raise the stakes even more.
Then you can structure an inner journey by which he must learn to overcome fear and become confident to stop being an observer and take action before he can achieve his outer journey goal of saving the girl. Also you resolve the potential plot hole of remembering the face of a suspect as appose to it being a significant event that confirms the man’s guilt.
See lessTwo of the biggest little horror icons battle it out when Chucky (from Child's Play) double crosses The Leprechaun by stealing his gold, finally picking a fight with someone his own size.
Similar to Freddie V Jason only smaller. I think that both Jason and Freddie had a larger franchise behind them before the versus movie came out and therefore the backstories lent them selves to a larger scale plot. However with Chucky and the Leprechaun there won't be enough to sustain the length oRead more
Similar to Freddie V Jason only smaller. I think that both Jason and Freddie had a larger franchise behind them before the versus movie came out and therefore the backstories lent them selves to a larger scale plot. However with Chucky and the Leprechaun there won’t be enough to sustain the length of a feature film perhaps as a short the concept could work better.
Great premise for a comedy horror though.
Hope this helps.
See lessTwo best friends with Down Syndrome are ecstatic to discover that they have been selected to test Hoogle?s new technology: the Hoogle Hat. But when the hat seems to brainwash the other test subjects, they realize that they are the only people who can stop Hoogle from taking over the world.
About the concept, why a dual protagonist plot? Is this vital for the story? The added description of them having Down Syndrome appears to add little to the plot, why have them both with Down Syndrome? Does this make them brainwashing proof? As Richiev pointed out the antagonist is unclear. Better tRead more
About the concept, why a dual protagonist plot? Is this vital for the story?
The added description of them having Down Syndrome appears to add little to the plot, why have them both with Down Syndrome? Does this make them brainwashing proof?
As Richiev pointed out the antagonist is unclear. Better to describe the antagonise rather than rely on the reader to interoperate the name as a pre existing character in your story world as this makes for a presumptuous statement in the logline.
Taking over the world is very generic an action because most bad guys want to do the same it is also vague.
What exactly does the antagonist want to do? Look at Kingsmen as a recent example where they had a bad guy who wanted to achieve a very specific goal in his attempt at world dominance.
As for the logline itself best to describe the events and actions not the character’s reactions to them. By this I mean instead of:
“Two best friends with Down Syndrome are ecstatic to discover that they have been selected to test Hoogle?s new technology: the Hoogle Hat. ”
Try:
“After being selected to test a new technology two friends?”
This puts the inciting incident closer to the begin gin of the logline and informs the reader of what the actions and events are in the plot.
Hope this helps.
See less