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A small town sheriff must protect her town from a pack of ghouls that had for years been kept at bay by bodies supplied by the recently closed crematorium.
The logline structure needs adjustment in a way that brings the inciting incident in sooner preferable first in the read. For example: When a pack of ghouls attack her town a sheriff must fight the beasts to protect the people. The reason for the ghouls attacking the town is less important as it isRead more
The logline structure needs adjustment in a way that brings the inciting incident in sooner preferable first in the read.
For example:
When a pack of ghouls attack her town a sheriff must fight the beasts to protect the people.
The reason for the ghouls attacking the town is less important as it is not part of the story reserve that for the synopsis. The sheriff’s fight to save her people is what the story is about.
Only question I have is will there be any danger to the town from a pack of ghouls if what they are after are dead bodies?
I think that as a western horror movie the concept is good and needs little explaining to create interest therefor the logline can be as lean as the example above. That said its always a good thing to flesh out an idea with layered character elements.
Is there a personal stake at hand for the sheriff?
What is her flaw?
If you could add these into the logline it would be a great logline for a western horror film.
Hope this helps.
See lessA lazy but gifted high-school kid blackmails his adulterous parents and uses the money to start his own business, in an attempt to woo the girl of his dreams.
"It?s more about him getting off his ass and doing something that makes him a better person." Blackmailing his parents (regardless their sex lives which are none of his business) and prioritising material goods over personality and self worth is not making him a better person in my opinion. PerhapsRead more
“It?s more about him getting off his ass and doing something that makes him a better person.”
Blackmailing his parents (regardless their sex lives which are none of his business) and prioritising material goods over personality and self worth is not making him a better person in my opinion.
Perhaps you have a change of approach built into act 2 in which he realises he doesn’t need money to find love. But as it reads now he is as selfish and superficial as the other characters in the story and this will hinder the audiences empathy to the MC, even with a save the cat moment, which will be a problem.
Can you describe his inner journey goal in the logline? Does he learn to value love and not money at some point? If so would be worth while mentioning this in the log line.
As boy meets girl this is a good concept because it is not a typical boy meets girl fall in love and the obstacle keeping them apart is one of many tropes used already. The MC has to do something rather drastic to get the girl the closest I can think of in that sense is ‘Coming To America’.
Not sure if this is a comedy or drama but it does have original elements in it either way.
Hope this helps.
See lessA lazy but gifted high-school kid blackmails his adulterous parents and uses the money to start his own business, in an attempt to woo the girl of his dreams.
"It?s more about him getting off his ass and doing something that makes him a better person." Blackmailing his parents (regardless their sex lives which are none of his business) and prioritising material goods over personality and self worth is not making him a better person in my opinion. PerhapsRead more
“It?s more about him getting off his ass and doing something that makes him a better person.”
Blackmailing his parents (regardless their sex lives which are none of his business) and prioritising material goods over personality and self worth is not making him a better person in my opinion.
Perhaps you have a change of approach built into act 2 in which he realises he doesn’t need money to find love. But as it reads now he is as selfish and superficial as the other characters in the story and this will hinder the audiences empathy to the MC, even with a save the cat moment, which will be a problem.
Can you describe his inner journey goal in the logline? Does he learn to value love and not money at some point? If so would be worth while mentioning this in the log line.
As boy meets girl this is a good concept because it is not a typical boy meets girl fall in love and the obstacle keeping them apart is one of many tropes used already. The MC has to do something rather drastic to get the girl the closest I can think of in that sense is ‘Coming To America’.
Not sure if this is a comedy or drama but it does have original elements in it either way.
Hope this helps.
See less