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The last Scribe in a technology ruled false utopian future must unite with an android that contains the entirety of human history, before the ruling corporation can enact their final technological control onto the masses.
Also not to forget that a logline can fulfil two goals for the writer. The first is structuring tool that helps you boiled down your concept to its bare minimum mission critical elements of the story. This helps you test your concept and see if it is worth spending months on end developing and writiRead more
Also not to forget that a logline can fulfil two goals for the writer.
The first is structuring tool that helps you boiled down your concept to its bare minimum mission critical elements of the story. This helps you test your concept and see if it is worth spending months on end developing and writing.
The second is a pitching tool that helps you communicate in the most efficient way to others what your concept is. This is what the others have described above.
You need to know which function your logline needs to fulfil and draft it accordingly. In either event less is more of course, but when you need to hook the interest of an over worked executive (who wants to know that you are professional enough to be aware of the pressure he or she is under) the word count is more critical. Drop anything that is not crucial for them to understand.
If you are trying to test and re work your concept then the word count is less important.
Lastly about the logline I will add to what the others have posted that the starting point of your story is unclear. Why now? What makes the scribe need to take action at this crucial point in time?
Hope this helps.
See lessA week after having leg surgery for which he would need 3 months rest, a 45 year old poor night guard returns to work in order to not loose his job and keep providing for his family. He encounters a group of burglars in a building garage and is unable to stop them.
This is a second iteration of the same log line but it seams as if the problematic elements are still present in the log line. Lets break it down: MC - poor night guard Flaw - ? Goal - Catch the burglars? Look after his leg? Provide for his family? Obstacle - Health problem? Sense of responsibilityRead more
This is a second iteration of the same log line but it seams as if the problematic elements are still present in the log line.
Lets break it down:
MC – poor night guard
Flaw – ?
Goal – Catch the burglars? Look after his leg? Provide for his family?
Obstacle – Health problem? Sense of responsibility to the family? Duty to the job?
Antagonist – Burglars.
Inner journey goal – ?
For him to achieve his goal of catching the burglars, unless this is a Die Hard kind of situation it would conceivably not be enough for a 110 minute film maybe a one or two act short film.
How long is this film going to be?
For him to achieve his goal of looking after his leg, all he needs to do is nothing which means no film of any length would come of this.
For him to achieve his goal of providing for his family, it would be hard to establish this in a concrete visual way short of seeing him signing a long term contract of employment guaranteeing him income despite his health. This becomes extremely un cinematic, a vague a goal at that and not really story worthy.
I think the crux of the problem with this concept is the lack of a clear, compelling and cinematic goal for the MC. Try coming up with a list of 30 goals and pick the best ones then redraft the logline with these and see which one is the best.
Hope this helps.
See lessA week after having leg surgery for which he would need 3 months rest, a 45 year old poor night guard returns to work in order to not loose his job and keep providing for his family. He encounters a group of burglars in a building garage and is unable to stop them.
This is a second iteration of the same log line but it seams as if the problematic elements are still present in the log line. Lets break it down: MC - poor night guard Flaw - ? Goal - Catch the burglars? Look after his leg? Provide for his family? Obstacle - Health problem? Sense of responsibilityRead more
This is a second iteration of the same log line but it seams as if the problematic elements are still present in the log line.
Lets break it down:
MC – poor night guard
Flaw – ?
Goal – Catch the burglars? Look after his leg? Provide for his family?
Obstacle – Health problem? Sense of responsibility to the family? Duty to the job?
Antagonist – Burglars.
Inner journey goal – ?
For him to achieve his goal of catching the burglars, unless this is a Die Hard kind of situation it would conceivably not be enough for a 110 minute film maybe a one or two act short film.
How long is this film going to be?
For him to achieve his goal of looking after his leg, all he needs to do is nothing which means no film of any length would come of this.
For him to achieve his goal of providing for his family, it would be hard to establish this in a concrete visual way short of seeing him signing a long term contract of employment guaranteeing him income despite his health. This becomes extremely un cinematic, a vague a goal at that and not really story worthy.
I think the crux of the problem with this concept is the lack of a clear, compelling and cinematic goal for the MC. Try coming up with a list of 30 goals and pick the best ones then redraft the logline with these and see which one is the best.
Hope this helps.
See less