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A family?s trucking business is used to smuggle premiere Marijuana, and the DEA and competitors are closing in? but what the family will do to each other can be far worse.
The concept of an outlaw family is interesting and has been a point of fascination in film and TV for many years, from the "Godfather" to "The Sopranos" to "Weeds" to "Fun with Dick and Jane". As an audience we have had an interest in the outlaw family because the stakes are always high and the storRead more
The concept of an outlaw family is interesting and has been a point of fascination in film and TV for many years, from the “Godfather” to “The Sopranos” to “Weeds” to “Fun with Dick and Jane”.
As an audience we have had an interest in the outlaw family because the stakes are always high and the story demands the audiences attention diverting it away from the family related conflicts. Then when the family’s “every day” problems surfaced they took us by surprise and put up a mirror to society making us see ourselves in their problems if only for a brief moment. As appose to most dramas that, like a form of dramatic alliteration, repetitively surface the interpersonal dramas throughout the whole story as a main focus.
Best to find what is it about this family and or the family’s story that is original and interesting then emphasize this through the events that make up their story. Currently you have three main stake raising elements: the DEA, the competitors and the members of the family. I think better to either simplify the story and pick one or directly connect the events of the story in a way that they require each stakes element for the story to exist. Obviously better to center on a single main character and tell the story from their dramatic point of view.
Would it be more interesting to have the members of the family struggle with each other? Have the family struggle against the DEA? Struggle against other outlaws? Could one of the members of the family be a DEA officer him or her self? Could a young love develop between 2 members of opposing outlaw families?
Hope this helps.
See lessA family?s trucking business is used to smuggle premiere Marijuana, and the DEA and competitors are closing in? but what the family will do to each other can be far worse.
The concept of an outlaw family is interesting and has been a point of fascination in film and TV for many years, from the "Godfather" to "The Sopranos" to "Weeds" to "Fun with Dick and Jane". As an audience we have had an interest in the outlaw family because the stakes are always high and the storRead more
The concept of an outlaw family is interesting and has been a point of fascination in film and TV for many years, from the “Godfather” to “The Sopranos” to “Weeds” to “Fun with Dick and Jane”.
As an audience we have had an interest in the outlaw family because the stakes are always high and the story demands the audiences attention diverting it away from the family related conflicts. Then when the family’s “every day” problems surfaced they took us by surprise and put up a mirror to society making us see ourselves in their problems if only for a brief moment. As appose to most dramas that, like a form of dramatic alliteration, repetitively surface the interpersonal dramas throughout the whole story as a main focus.
Best to find what is it about this family and or the family’s story that is original and interesting then emphasize this through the events that make up their story. Currently you have three main stake raising elements: the DEA, the competitors and the members of the family. I think better to either simplify the story and pick one or directly connect the events of the story in a way that they require each stakes element for the story to exist. Obviously better to center on a single main character and tell the story from their dramatic point of view.
Would it be more interesting to have the members of the family struggle with each other? Have the family struggle against the DEA? Struggle against other outlaws? Could one of the members of the family be a DEA officer him or her self? Could a young love develop between 2 members of opposing outlaw families?
Hope this helps.
See lessLeon Walsh is a successful husband, father, and businessman? who happens to be embattled in a deadly, Northern California turf war with the Cartel.
No need to mention the main character's name and better to shrink his description to less words such as When a father of three is or when a successful business man or when a loving family man. In a good story there is no such thing as "...happens to be..." there are tailor made characteristics and eRead more
No need to mention the main character’s name and better to shrink his description to less words such as When a father of three is or when a successful business man or when a loving family man.
In a good story there is no such thing as “…happens to be…” there are tailor made characteristics and events made to put the MC in the worst possible position for him or her to fight there way out of. better to describe the event that forces the MC to do battle with the antagonist.
I gather “…the Cartel.” is the antagonist but the description lacks specificity. By using the definite article “…the…” you imply the reader knows of the cartel but no information was given prior. Better to add an adjective and ideally let it describe the type of antagonist the MC will be up against. For example: sadistic drug-cartel, human trafficking cartel, illegal organ harvesting cartel… etc.
Hope this helps.
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