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As Nazi forces ready a counterattack after the first wave of the Warsaw Uprising, a scrappy Polish courier must cross the occupied city with three boy-scouts turned soldiers to recruit their battalion for a dangerous mission — liberate a concentration camp before the SS can kill its inmates.
Interestingly enough I found the idea of a David and Goliath story in the Warsaw uprising, fact or fiction, enough to raise interest. I would dare say that specifying whether its based on a true story or not is unrelated to the logline. A good story structure doesn't need the elaboration of its origRead more
Interestingly enough I found the idea of a David and Goliath story in the Warsaw uprising, fact or fiction, enough to raise interest. I would dare say that specifying whether its based on a true story or not is unrelated to the logline.
A good story structure doesn’t need the elaboration of its origin for it to be interesting, this is better kept for a pitch or treatment. I found when pitching a story I’m working on that after I told people the logline they were intrigued to know more and only then I told them it was based on real events the effect was far greater than telling this during the logline.
However DPG’s version of the logline reads very well in it’s brevity and gives a good idea of the action in the story and uses known facts to its advantage. I think that the subject matter inherently has high stakes and a publicly known body of knowledge therefor best to rely on the built in knowledge base of the reader for economy’s sake in the logline.
Readying a counter attack is less a decisive and clear an event, in the mind of the reader, that could spur a story than say someone overhearing an order for the SS to counter attack or seeing a mobilization of force to the Ghetto’s entrance.
I am actually working with an individual at the moment who’s father escaped the very Ghetto you are writing about. One of the problems they had after the uprising was not knowing definitively when or where the counter attacks were going to take place.
Perhaps the courier could intercept a message specifying the SS attack and then he decides to take action.
Had a stab at it myself:
After a scrappy Polish courier learns of an SS plan of attack, he must cross Warsaw with three boy-scouts turned soldiers to inform the Ghetto rebellion before the SS can kill all the inmates.
Hope this helps.
See lessAs Nazi forces ready a counterattack after the first wave of the Warsaw Uprising, a scrappy Polish courier must cross the occupied city with three boy-scouts turned soldiers to recruit their battalion for a dangerous mission — liberate a concentration camp before the SS can kill its inmates.
Interestingly enough I found the idea of a David and Goliath story in the Warsaw uprising, fact or fiction, enough to raise interest. I would dare say that specifying whether its based on a true story or not is unrelated to the logline. A good story structure doesn't need the elaboration of its origRead more
Interestingly enough I found the idea of a David and Goliath story in the Warsaw uprising, fact or fiction, enough to raise interest. I would dare say that specifying whether its based on a true story or not is unrelated to the logline.
A good story structure doesn’t need the elaboration of its origin for it to be interesting, this is better kept for a pitch or treatment. I found when pitching a story I’m working on that after I told people the logline they were intrigued to know more and only then I told them it was based on real events the effect was far greater than telling this during the logline.
However DPG’s version of the logline reads very well in it’s brevity and gives a good idea of the action in the story and uses known facts to its advantage. I think that the subject matter inherently has high stakes and a publicly known body of knowledge therefor best to rely on the built in knowledge base of the reader for economy’s sake in the logline.
Readying a counter attack is less a decisive and clear an event, in the mind of the reader, that could spur a story than say someone overhearing an order for the SS to counter attack or seeing a mobilization of force to the Ghetto’s entrance.
I am actually working with an individual at the moment who’s father escaped the very Ghetto you are writing about. One of the problems they had after the uprising was not knowing definitively when or where the counter attacks were going to take place.
Perhaps the courier could intercept a message specifying the SS attack and then he decides to take action.
Had a stab at it myself:
After a scrappy Polish courier learns of an SS plan of attack, he must cross Warsaw with three boy-scouts turned soldiers to inform the Ghetto rebellion before the SS can kill all the inmates.
Hope this helps.
See lessA veteran alcoholic detective enlists the help of a young inexperienced psychiatrist to catch a serial killer who is targeting the parents of abused children before the killer discovers the detective's dark family secret.
It's not entirely clear when the story begins and therefor its hard to see the trajectory of the character. If the inciting incident is the MC hiring the psychiatrist then this is not an event out of the ordinary that was done to him out of his control, which is what a good inciting incident shouldRead more
It’s not entirely clear when the story begins and therefor its hard to see the trajectory of the character. If the inciting incident is the MC hiring the psychiatrist then this is not an event out of the ordinary that was done to him out of his control, which is what a good inciting incident should be.
What is his normal day to day life like? Take that answer and then design an event that could change his day to day significantly and force him to take action.
Also the idea that the detective’s parents were abusive to him is confusing as he is now trying to protect them after they beat him. If your trying to deal with the notion of parent child bond and forgiveness it may serve the logline better to leave this out as this is relates to theme and can be elaborated on in the treatment.
My try:
When an alcoholic detective’s parents are threatened by a serial killer he enlists the help of an ambitious psychiatrist to catch the killer.
Hope this helps.
See less