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A veteran alcoholic detective enlists the help of a young inexperienced psychiatrist to catch a serial killer who is targeting the parents of abused children before the killer discovers the detective's dark family secret.
It's not entirely clear when the story begins and therefor its hard to see the trajectory of the character. If the inciting incident is the MC hiring the psychiatrist then this is not an event out of the ordinary that was done to him out of his control, which is what a good inciting incident shouldRead more
It’s not entirely clear when the story begins and therefor its hard to see the trajectory of the character. If the inciting incident is the MC hiring the psychiatrist then this is not an event out of the ordinary that was done to him out of his control, which is what a good inciting incident should be.
What is his normal day to day life like? Take that answer and then design an event that could change his day to day significantly and force him to take action.
Also the idea that the detective’s parents were abusive to him is confusing as he is now trying to protect them after they beat him. If your trying to deal with the notion of parent child bond and forgiveness it may serve the logline better to leave this out as this is relates to theme and can be elaborated on in the treatment.
My try:
When an alcoholic detective’s parents are threatened by a serial killer he enlists the help of an ambitious psychiatrist to catch the killer.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter waking from a coma, a heterosexual young woman begins to believe that the universe is plotting to put her in the arms of the female EMT that saved her life, and away from her male fiancee.
I'm not sure the stakes are high enough, a strait woman finds herself attracted to another woman is rather normal in many countries. However if she was specified to have lived in a society that made same sex relationships illegal, then the danger of the potential relationship would make it more inteRead more
I’m not sure the stakes are high enough, a strait woman finds herself attracted to another woman is rather normal in many countries. However if she was specified to have lived in a society that made same sex relationships illegal, then the danger of the potential relationship would make it more interesting.
Also waking from the coma is a good inciting incident but “…begins to believe…” seams a very vague form of action to take. I can imagine many ways for this to happen, too many in fact for this to inform the reader of what her main action will be throughout the story.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter waking from a coma, a heterosexual young woman begins to believe that the universe is plotting to put her in the arms of the female EMT that saved her life, and away from her male fiancee.
I'm not sure the stakes are high enough, a strait woman finds herself attracted to another woman is rather normal in many countries. However if she was specified to have lived in a society that made same sex relationships illegal, then the danger of the potential relationship would make it more inteRead more
I’m not sure the stakes are high enough, a strait woman finds herself attracted to another woman is rather normal in many countries. However if she was specified to have lived in a society that made same sex relationships illegal, then the danger of the potential relationship would make it more interesting.
Also waking from the coma is a good inciting incident but “…begins to believe…” seams a very vague form of action to take. I can imagine many ways for this to happen, too many in fact for this to inform the reader of what her main action will be throughout the story.
Hope this helps.
See less