Hi Leon
This draft of the lognline is shorter but reads the same as the previous version. The MC, her position in society, her flaw, the inciting incident, the antagonist and her goals remain the same.

Previous comments have outlined a problem with your inciting incident and the MC goals.
Maybe try experimenting with new character descriptions and different inciting incidents.

For example, according to the current draft of the logline, I think the inciting incident is the plain crash. This implies that her normal “day to day” life, before the story starts, is being a prisoner and a sudden opportunity to break for freedom changed that.
What if her normal “day to day” life was being a lawyer and being arrested or framed is what changed that? This strait away implies she needs to fight a corrupt detective or evil ex husband to prove her innocence. This also gives her a clear and decisive goal, it even gives you an obligatory scene at the end both without needing specification in the logline.

I think the inciting incident specifically needs to be re thought what I mean is, choosing between falling into the comma or realizing the universe is a hallucination and the relation to the antagonist.

I suggest this because this will have an impact on the MC, the action he will take and act 1 and most of act 2.

If when he wakes up the MC doesn’t know that he is in a comma but the audience does, this puts the audience ahead of the MC. The MC will need to learn that he is in a comma very quickly in order for the story to be interesting sooner and move the plot along faster. Other wise the MC needs to learn something the audience doesn’t know or the audience need to learn something else that the MC doesn’t know to keep the story interesting. Similar to the first act of The Truman Show.

If the audience doesn’t know he is in a comma when he wakes up then the audience needs to want the MC to discover the nature of the bizarre world. But then the opening image i.e the “normal” world is the bizarre world, so now the question is; what makes him want to figure out or how does he learn that he is in a fantasy world and in turn a comma? This is a Matrix style act 1.

The two scenarios above are two separate stories and two separate loglines. One a study in dramatic irony the other an adventure to save the MC’s life. They can both climax in defeating the bad guy but the design of the inciting incident needs to be better related to the act of defeating the bad guy.

The logline implies that the audience is aware of the world being not real “…the fantasy universe he wakes up in…” if it is defined as fantasy in the logline then the audience knows it is fantasy. But then the logline specifies “…turns out to be an hallucination …” turns out from who’s point of view? Logically the MC discovers it to be a hallucination because these two statements point towards the MC not knowing but the audience knowing.

This how ever is not clear from the logline and the discovery of the fantasy is not directly related to the antagonist or the need to defeat him.

Hope this helps.