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  1. Posted: September 15, 2014In: Public

    Twenty-year-old vindictive Johnny leaves the reform school, forms a one man army with nature's creatures, and avenges his parents' assassins, the last one being the head of state with impregnable security.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on September 18, 2014 at 11:19 am

    It sounds like the way in which he will avenge his parents ("...forms a one man army with nature's creatures...") is a part of your plot that doesn't need to be in the logline. What is important and should stay in the logline is that he will seek revenge not how he will do so. "Twenty-year-old vindiRead more

    It sounds like the way in which he will avenge his parents (“…forms a one man army with nature’s creatures…”) is a part of your plot that doesn’t need to be in the logline. What is important and should stay in the logline is that he will seek revenge not how he will do so.

    “Twenty-year-old vindictive…” seams a redundant description it is made clear that Johnny is young because he is in the reform school. Also it is made clear he is vindictive by his main action (“…avenges his parents…”) so best to use this precious logline real estate for a simpler necessary description preferably one that would describe his flaw.

    Hope this helps, Nir.

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  2. Posted: September 15, 2014In: Public

    Twenty-year-old vindictive Johnny leaves the reform school, forms a one man army with nature's creatures, and avenges his parents' assassins, the last one being the head of state with impregnable security.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on September 18, 2014 at 11:19 am

    It sounds like the way in which he will avenge his parents ("...forms a one man army with nature's creatures...") is a part of your plot that doesn't need to be in the logline. What is important and should stay in the logline is that he will seek revenge not how he will do so. "Twenty-year-old vindiRead more

    It sounds like the way in which he will avenge his parents (“…forms a one man army with nature’s creatures…”) is a part of your plot that doesn’t need to be in the logline. What is important and should stay in the logline is that he will seek revenge not how he will do so.

    “Twenty-year-old vindictive…” seams a redundant description it is made clear that Johnny is young because he is in the reform school. Also it is made clear he is vindictive by his main action (“…avenges his parents…”) so best to use this precious logline real estate for a simpler necessary description preferably one that would describe his flaw.

    Hope this helps, Nir.

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  3. Posted: September 12, 2014In: Public

    A young amnesiac and terribly clumsy woman must rely on the help of a strange psychologist to remember that she is a super heroine who holds the key to stop a mad scientist who's about to attempt a quantum experiment that could destroy humanity.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on September 15, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    If this is a comedy think of the premise that will provide the comic element. Is she a fish out of water? Is this a play on dramatic irony? Is this an exercise in futility by the MC ignoring the flaw? All of the above? etc... Then build that into the logline that describes the very first event thatRead more

    If this is a comedy think of the premise that will provide the comic element.
    Is she a fish out of water? Is this a play on dramatic irony? Is this an exercise in futility by the MC ignoring the flaw? All of the above? etc…

    Then build that into the logline that describes the very first event that places her in the “new” situation that sets up the whole series.

    As previously mentioned best to focus a logline for a series on the pilot episode that sets up the premise that in turn will allow for the ongoing schtick in the series.

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