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Blue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.
Still sounds rather vague with regards to the overall story in the logline. What is it that happens in ep 2 that sets him off to achieve something? This would be your inciting incident. Then consider restructuring the logline to start off with the inciting incident happening to the MC. As it standsRead more
Still sounds rather vague with regards to the overall story in the logline.
What is it that happens in ep 2 that sets him off to achieve something? This would be your inciting incident.
Then consider restructuring the logline to start off with the inciting incident happening to the MC.
As it stands right now from the logline and what you’ve written here the pilot sounds like mostly setup and back story rather than setting up the character and showing what they will do for the remainder of the series.
Also in this instance better to specify in the logline who the bad guy is to give a clearer indication of the ongoing conflict.
See lessBlue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.
It's a good combo family and hit man now think of the best "worst" thing for him in other words the worst thing that can happen to him and put him in that situation. Then, as previously mentioned, build all the elements you need to make the plot.
It’s a good combo family and hit man now think of the best “worst” thing for him in other words the worst thing that can happen to him and put him in that situation. Then, as previously mentioned, build all the elements you need to make the plot.
See lessBlue collar forty something finds time in his harried day to be a loving husband, caring father, dependable son, mob enforcer, and a violent sadistic killer all while masking his true identity.
It's a good combo family and hit man now think of the best "worst" thing for him in other words the worst thing that can happen to him and put him in that situation. Then, as previously mentioned, build all the elements you need to make the plot.
It’s a good combo family and hit man now think of the best “worst” thing for him in other words the worst thing that can happen to him and put him in that situation. Then, as previously mentioned, build all the elements you need to make the plot.
See less