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  1. Posted: August 16, 2014In: Public

    After the outlaw who murdered her father steals her train and frames her for the theft, a gutsy engineer must go on the lam to stop him from pulling off the biggest heist in US history.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on August 18, 2014 at 9:41 am

    I'd say audacious is a commonly used enough word to justify being in a logline. However, I would suggest using that oh so precious logline real-estate on an adjective that describes a flaw rather than a virtue. I think it is more interesting to see an MC overcome a flaw develop and learn something tRead more

    I’d say audacious is a commonly used enough word to justify being in a logline.

    However, I would suggest using that oh so precious logline real-estate on an adjective that describes a flaw rather than a virtue. I think it is more interesting to see an MC overcome a flaw develop and learn something than not.

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  2. Posted: August 16, 2014In: Public

    After the outlaw who murdered her father steals her train and frames her for the theft, a gutsy engineer must go on the lam to stop him from pulling off the biggest heist in US history.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on August 17, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    It seams like murdering her father was a "tacked on" method of making it personal for the MC, perhaps better to make it the inciting incident. Also the logline as it is now reads a bit too convoluted for it's own good maybe shorten it by taking out a few descriptions: After witnessing an outlaw murdRead more

    It seams like murdering her father was a “tacked on” method of making it personal for the MC, perhaps better to make it the inciting incident. Also the logline as it is now reads a bit too convoluted for it’s own good maybe shorten it by taking out a few descriptions:

    After witnessing an outlaw murder her father, a gutsy engineer must stop him from steeling her train and pulling off the biggest heist in US history.

    Only thing is the MC could use a flaw in my mind so the “…gutsy…” description can change to what ever the flaw is.

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  3. Posted: August 16, 2014In: Public

    After the outlaw who murdered her father steals her train and frames her for the theft, a gutsy engineer must go on the lam to stop him from pulling off the biggest heist in US history.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on August 17, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    It seams like murdering her father was a "tacked on" method of making it personal for the MC, perhaps better to make it the inciting incident. Also the logline as it is now reads a bit too convoluted for it's own good maybe shorten it by taking out a few descriptions: After witnessing an outlaw murdRead more

    It seams like murdering her father was a “tacked on” method of making it personal for the MC, perhaps better to make it the inciting incident. Also the logline as it is now reads a bit too convoluted for it’s own good maybe shorten it by taking out a few descriptions:

    After witnessing an outlaw murder her father, a gutsy engineer must stop him from steeling her train and pulling off the biggest heist in US history.

    Only thing is the MC could use a flaw in my mind so the “…gutsy…” description can change to what ever the flaw is.

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    • 0
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      • Share on Twitter
      • Share on LinkedIn
      • Share on WhatsApp
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