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When Jacob, a genteel theater actor, becomes a mob boss through mistaken identity. He is forced to work with Mia a police detective, in order to incarcerate the notorious Big Bamzy and save his own life. This is a logline for the narrative of a 10 episode TV comedy series.
Thought I'd mention that the last sentence is not part of the logline and was mistakenly pasted with the logline submission but I only realized after submitting it. Thanks Nir.
Thought I’d mention that the last sentence is not part of the logline and was mistakenly pasted with the logline submission but I only realized after submitting it.
See lessThanks Nir.
A young orphaned undercover detective on suspension learns from an FBI agent that his biological father's is their current target.
I like this idea something about the primal urge to protect ones own blood works very well in it. But with economy in mind I would say lean up the protagonist description; ditch 'young' and 'undercover'. Also you didn't direct the the main action very well. I think in the logline the exact mechanismRead more
I like this idea something about the primal urge to protect ones own blood works very well in it.
But with economy in mind I would say lean up the protagonist description; ditch ‘young’ and ‘undercover’. Also you didn’t direct the the main action very well. I think in the logline the exact mechanism by which he comes to be motivated is secondary to the action he will take. Also the action as well as its descriptions seam a bit bland lacking potential for major action, stakes and dilemmas.
just a punt at it:
When an agent learns he must protect his father from his boss, he wages a one man war against the FBI in an attempt to stop the nation wide man hunt.
See less1095. Godfrey of Bouillon has been assigned by the pope to do the greatest task of his life.. Lead the Crusade to Jerusalum. 1097. Godfrey leads his men on a march from Costantinople (istanbul) to Nicaea. Godfrey attacks the City to the east while the other armies attack the south. Bouillon leaves Nicaea. Bouillons and Raymounds forces then advanced to Dorylaeum. Raymound army goes to camp but are attacked by turkish soldier. His army is slaughtered. Midday Godfrey sends 50 knights to rienforce Bohemund. The Battle continues until the turkish knights retreated. 1099. 2100 of the Crusaders went to fight the Mighty 20,000 turkish soldiers
As previously mentioned this dosn't comply with the conventions of a logline therefore it is very hard to comment on as a logline. I have replied to your other post similarly but in any case best to check out this page: https://loglines.org/howto/ The only comment I can give here that may be helpfulRead more
As previously mentioned this dosn’t comply with the conventions of a logline therefore it is very hard to comment on as a logline. I have replied to your other post similarly but in any case best to check out this page: https://loglines.org/howto/
The only comment I can give here that may be helpful is about the period.
Period pieces are notoriously harder and more expensive to shoot than present day, so If you do choose a period piece be sure to have a good reason for it.
Best to clarify the story’s analogy of modern day events as the best period pieces reflect an aspect of modern day and comment on it. This is because the time separation allows a writer to criticise action and sentiment freely thanks to the lack of reference to a specific individual or group of people and avoid insulting anyone directly.
Ultimately it is a really good idea to have a bare bones definition of the story’s main character and main action for this purpose, in other words a logline.
Good luck Nir.
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