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When pure evil responds to the Arecibo message, a lowly NASA clerk must convince his superiors that planet Earth is facing doomsday, and nobody cares.
+1 on the above. Although 'pure evil' could very well be one the logline seams to lack an Antagonist. This is because the story according to the logline appears to take place before the evil gets to Earth and is more about the clerk getting through to his superiors, in which case who is the bad guy?Read more
+1 on the above.
Although ‘pure evil’ could very well be one the logline seams to lack an Antagonist. This is because the story according to the logline appears to take place before the evil gets to Earth and is more about the clerk getting through to his superiors, in which case who is the bad guy? Or what is the obstacle?
If the Antagonist is the ‘pure evil’ then as mentioned it needs a clearer definition of how it is the antagonistic force to raise the stakes.
Nir.
See lessWerewolf hunters discover an Alpha wants to eliminate them, and the veil?s pierced when their oblivious biochemist daughter realizes it?s her it wants.
Hey Patrockable no problem with "add her to its pack". I just think that the element of danger is present once a Werewolf is mentioned so no precious logline words need be wasted on further elaboration of the exact type of danger. More so if it is a well-known fact amongst fantasy fans even less ofRead more
Hey Patrockable no problem with “add her to its pack”. I just think that the element of danger is present once a Werewolf is mentioned so no precious logline words need be wasted on further elaboration of the exact type of danger. More so if it is a well-known fact amongst fantasy fans even less of a reason to waist logline wording on it, especially in a many times redone genre.
Also I think that a logline needs to clearly identify an unmistakable inciting incident (or II for short), not sure of the II in your suggestion.
Ultimately if the story is of the bio chemist (MC) fighting the Alpha Werewolf (AN) do the family take any action in her story? They could be involved as allies, mentors even obstacles but other wise they are part of the back story and partake in the B and C plots and only aid her in the A.
In such a well-established genre focus should be on her goal and modus operandi.
Hope this helps, Nir.
See lessWhen a broken-hearted accountant finds out her husband, who disappeared, is now a monk in an isolated mountain village, she journeys there to confront him.
I think your suggestions are really good Shareatsman would be a great story if the stakes were as high as the sick child. Only the goal should always be saving the child rather than getting the husband. If she gets to him mid act 2 there is a whole lot more story to go before the end. So if indeed tRead more
I think your suggestions are really good Shareatsman would be a great story if the stakes were as high as the sick child. Only the goal should always be saving the child rather than getting the husband.
If she gets to him mid act 2 there is a whole lot more story to go before the end. So if indeed the child was sick and the transplant (great idea by the way) is necessary when she reaches the husband mid act 2 she has a second mountain to climb; convincing a monk to depart from his monastery… reversal of approach, perhaps she has to understand his new way of life in order to get him away from it.
Trek up the mountain is crossing the threshold great start to act 2. The guide could be so symbolically as well, as the mentor, for he guides her through the tricky path up the mountain then through the tricky path with the husband.
She starts by fighting her own emotions in act 1, then nature and then a culture the levels of conflict escalate from inner, to personal then to extra personal.
She has an inner journey to learn how to relate with others and a clear outer journey goal we can easily visualize, BOOM!
What a great story this could be.
Only stipulate clearly in a logline the logline crucial elements? perhaps:
A desperate mother journeys to a remote Buddhist monastery in search of her estranged husband to convince him to donate his kidney to save their son.
Added the Buddhist part to make it even harder for her to convince him to undergo an operation.
Hope this helps, Nir.
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