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Following the apocalypse a wayward mid-level servant of the Devil becomes stranded on Earth and is paired with a closet atheist twenty-something from a mormon family and is tasked to collect enough souls to return to Hell.
Sounds like potential for a buddy movie comedy in an outlandish almost other worldly setting. The logline has an unlikely MC a devil's servant, it has even got a buddy the atheist Mormon and he has a task. But no clear goal or AN also the logline has too many words unrelated to the story. Try openinRead more
Sounds like potential for a buddy movie comedy in an outlandish almost other worldly setting.
The logline has an unlikely MC a devil’s servant, it has even got a buddy the atheist Mormon and he has a task. But no clear goal or AN also the logline has too many words unrelated to the story.
Try opening with the MC and then position him in a post apocalypse world and make the task a do or die. Also try and reduce the MC’s description a bit to a more concise and potent description that will tell us a bit more about the character and comic nature of the story.
Here is my suggestion it?s not much but I think more in the direction the logline needs to go.
The devil’s PA is thrown on a post apocalypse earth tasked with soul collection. He is aided by an atheist Mormon to out collect another devil’s servant before being allowed back in hell.
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A simple boy meets girl story with a simple premise the families will try and stop them getting together. Catch is every 'boy meets girl movie' will have the same description with a different force stopping them getting together. If perusing a well and truly trodden path such as this be sure to haveRead more
A simple boy meets girl story with a simple premise the families will try and stop them getting together.
Catch is every ‘boy meets girl movie’ will have the same description with a different force stopping them getting together.
If perusing a well and truly trodden path such as this be sure to have a whammer of a force stopping them from getting together. As these forces have morphed and changed over time in each new incarnation of the story since good old Willie S from the family to ooze dripping monsters to space and even time it self.
Aside from that the logline itself needs to describe what will either the boy or or girl or boy and girl do to fight the force stopping them and get together rather than what other story’s it is based on.
Hope this helps, Nir.
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Sounds interesting and could make a great a supernatural thriller but the basic action of the story is hard to make out. The MC's introduction seams too long it needs leaning up. "...reluctantly accepts..." means that in the film he denies what he knows to be true until he has no choice but to admitRead more
Sounds interesting and could make a great a supernatural thriller but the basic action of the story is hard to make out.
The MC’s introduction seams too long it needs leaning up.
“…reluctantly accepts…” means that in the film he denies what he knows to be true until he has no choice but to admit to it. This is a good detail for the synopsis as it outlines one of the known stages of the heroes journey “the heroes refusal to go on the journey”. But it is not a detail of the story that should be in the logline in my mind.
“Upon further investigation…” is obvious no need to mention in the logline either. Equally “In a spine tingling…” a super natural thriller better be spine tingling…, so best to describe a plot that will come across as spine tingling or have the potential for it, rather than label it as one. “…super-natural thriller…” is again an obvious and therefore redundant statement.
Alluding to the fact that he may be the killer himself is a known gimmick as a twist at the end yet another aspect I think best reserved for the synopsis rather than a logline. Simply because whether the AN is him or not the action of the story won’t change he will still have to go on his journey and find/catch/stop the AN or discover it’s been him all along…
Could be a good exercise to write up a logline for successfully produced films that used the same gimmick (spoiler alert): 6th sense, Shutter Island, The Manchurian Candidate, etc…
My little whack at it:
When Peter a senior psychologist discovers he not only has been treating ghosts but that they all died on the same day, he is forced to put a stop to their killer who is still at large.
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