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A gifted geneticist perfects the formula for increasing intelligence, but using it on his gorgeous but not so gifted wife he creates a cynical tyrant and his only competition for the Nobel Prize.
None taken. I think we have a set vernacular used often in our posts for efficiency's sake we could abbreviate it just as is done on any other board on the web. Your welcome not to use it yourself. You could be right about the II I thought it was when he realizes the threat because experimenting onRead more
None taken.
I think we have a set vernacular used often in our posts for efficiency’s sake we could abbreviate it just as is done on any other board on the web.
Your welcome not to use it yourself.
You could be right about the II I thought it was when he realizes the threat because experimenting on her was in line with every thing he did until that point. The first time a dramatic change occurs that made him need to return his life back to normal was when she became a threat to his winning the Nobel Prize. As far as the story goes she becomes a threat only once he realizes it.
I guess this confusion points out a weakens in the logline.
See less"A disgraced father takes the helm of a dysfunctional baseball team controlled by overbearing parents and attempts to lead them against the cross-town rivals in the city championship."
This sounds like a good base for a small town story as an education plot. It could work really well and the logline seams to have everything it needs. I would cut out the fat and make it more efficient though. If it is an education plot, I am guessing about the father? Is being a father critical toRead more
This sounds like a good base for a small town story as an education plot. It could work really well and the logline seams to have everything it needs.
I would cut out the fat and make it more efficient though.
If it is an education plot, I am guessing about the father?
Is being a father critical to the plot? Being a father doesn’t tell us enough about him, perhaps specify his profession rather than his parental status. He may have more to prove as a disgraced advertising executive, lawyer, politician etc…
Is he been made to coach the team or is he volunteering?
How do the overbearing parents come into the story if his goal is to beat the cross-town rivals? Are they the obstacles?
Just a stab of mine at it:
A disgraced politician’s last chance for redemption is to coach the lowest ranking team in the junior league to victory against the raining champions.
Hope this helps Nir.
See lessShaming his family whilst alive is nothing compared to what they have to overcome now that Lee's dead and unwed.
Sounds like the making of a comedy here. As it stands this doesn't really read well as a logline on the account of lacking clarification of its main component. Perhaps try and specify the MC, as it stands it sounds like the family as a collective which means a multi protagonist plot. Once the MC isRead more
Sounds like the making of a comedy here.
As it stands this doesn’t really read well as a logline on the account of lacking clarification of its main component.
Perhaps try and specify the MC, as it stands it sounds like the family as a collective which means a multi protagonist plot. Once the MC is in place figure out what they want give them a goal.
Hope this helps Nir.
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