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A clever teenager hacks a military computer to play a nuclear war game only to trigger the computer into preparing to “play” a real nuclear war.
This doesn't read well as a logline rather it works better as a tagline. I'm not sure what the point is of writing this type of line, hook or not, it doesn't describe a plot and doesn't comply with industry conventions. His goal is to stop the computer from starting a nuclear war and it needs to beRead more
This doesn’t read well as a logline rather it works better as a tagline. I’m not sure what the point is of writing this type of line, hook or not, it doesn’t describe a plot and doesn’t comply with industry conventions.
His goal is to stop the computer from starting a nuclear war and it needs to be specified in the logline. Working back from that, the inciting incident is the computer’s achievement of self-awareness which makes it want to start a war by faking a Soviet nuclear attack. Doesn’t matter the timing of this in the film it’s what forced the MC to take action.
Therefore, I would rewrite this as:
See lessAfter a government computer he hacked becomes self-aware, a naive hacker must stop it from starting a nuclear war between the US and Russia.
?Massachusetts, 1692: The leader of a coven must convince a Puritan minister to work with her to find and stop a powerful and cunning excommunicated sorceress whom she suspects is secretly behind the Salem Witch Trials.?
This logline is confusing - concept and wording. If the premise is based on the assumption that there are witches in reality, it no longer relates to the Salem Witch Trials. This needs to be set in a different environment as the story would be about the authorities killing Witch not persecuting themRead more
This logline is confusing – concept and wording.
If the premise is based on the assumption that there are witches in reality, it no longer relates to the Salem Witch Trials. This needs to be set in a different environment as the story would be about the authorities killing Witch not persecuting them – a real witch would presumably be able to use her magic to avoid capture or escape the trial so they would kill on sight.
See lessWhen the office nice guy?s ?work wife? starts sending him mixed signals about her relationship and impending move with her long-distance boyfriend, he risks his career and friendship by confessing his true feelings for her before he loses her forever.
Going off the latest version, it seems selfish of him as she is happy in her relationship with her boyfriend - she chose the boyfriend over him - accept it... What's at stake here? Last thing, "...confessing his true feeling to her..." seems like a rather tame action for a feature - how long is thisRead more
Going off the latest version, it seems selfish of him as she is happy in her relationship with her boyfriend – she chose the boyfriend over him – accept it…
What’s at stake here?
Last thing, “…confessing his true feeling to her…” seems like a rather tame action for a feature – how long is this going to be?
See less